


Right next door

by Lokkanel



Category: SKAM (Norway)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Even Bech Næsheim and Isak Valtersen Meet Differently, Crush at First Sight, Falling In Love, Getting to Know Each Other, Happy Ending, Jealousy, Light Angst, M/M, Neighbors, POV Isak Valtersen, Pining, Smitten Isak Valtersen, Strangers to Lovers, What else is new?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-02
Updated: 2020-04-05
Packaged: 2021-02-28 01:21:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 24,208
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22525465
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lokkanel/pseuds/Lokkanel
Summary: Isak's life is turned upside-down when a handsome stranger moves in right next door...
Relationships: Even Bech Næsheim/Isak Valtersen, Even Bech Næsheim/Sonja (SKAM)
Comments: 120
Kudos: 356





	1. Moving in

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can read this story in Русский here : [За соседней дверью](https://ficbook.net/readfic/9339040) translated by getsumen

Isak smiled as he looked at Jonas and Eva, bickering just like when they were sixteen years old. They were sitting in one of those hipster cafés in Grünerløkka, having an overpriced brunch after a long week of work. The situation screamed adulthood but for an instant, Isak felt like they were back to their high school days, his two best friends having a ridiculous argument punctuated by laughter and kisses. Nothing had really changed between the three of them and it filled Isak with a warm and peaceful feeling.

“I’m telling you, those avocados are an environmental and social disaster !” Jonas exclaimed, pointing an accusing finger at Eva’s plate, “They cross the globe in planes burning tons of kerosene and back there in Chile, people have to face water restrictions because of how much is needed to grow them ! And for what ? Just so we rich europeans can post cute pictures of our breakfast on Instagram with a “heathly” hashtag…”

Eva rolled her eyes playfully as she waived the waiter down for a third mimosa. “I know babe, you made me watch that depressing documentary last week, no need to remind me…”

Isak muffled a laugh in his napkin as Eva gave him a knowing look. Jonas looked between the two them and let out a deep sigh. “Whatever, sorry for caring about the fate of poor chilean farmers…”

“Awww, you know I love you for that” said Eva as she gave Jonas a loud kiss on the cheek. He huffed a small laugh and shrugged, letting it go (for now).

“So Isak,” Eva said turning her attention to him, “how are things at the hospital ?”

“Oh you know, the emergency service is stretched to its limits, too many patients, not enough personnel, same old same old…” Isak sighed, grabbing his cup of coffee instinctively as he was reminded of the exhaustion another week at the ER left him in.

“That sucks…” Eva frowned, but she quickly changed the subject, sensing that Jonas was about to go on a rant about the necessity of protecting the precious status of their healthcare system “Oh and what about that cute nurse you were flirting with, how’s that going ? Did you two…?”

“Yeah… that didn’t work out. But he’s working in another service now so at least it’s not too awkward.”

Isak chuckled when he saw Eva’s pouting face “Sorry to disappoint you but you'll find no _ER_ or _Grey’s Anatomy_ or whatever bullshit drama here.”

“You two are really no fun, I know I should have invited the girls for brunch instead.” Eva grumbled, frowning as she took a bite of her avocado toast.

.

Isak took the tram home, where he was planning on crashing on his couch and spending the rest of his sunday doing absolutely nothing that would require even the smallest effort from him. He intended on having a good rest and trying to regain as much energy as he could before another week at the hospital.

When he got to his apartment block, he saw a van full of boxes parked in front of the entrance. Somebody was obviously moving in or out of the building. He went in and let out a deep sigh as he got to the elevator and saw the _Out of order_ sign that was put up on the door.

“Ugh fuck…” he grunted as he began climbing the four flights of stairs to his apartment.

He arrived on his landing annoyed and a little bit out of breath, cursing himself to have never followed through his new year resolution of going back to the gym. But when would he possibly have time for that between work and…

He was stopped in his trail of thoughts when he realized that the door of the other apartment on his floor was wide open and that the flat seemed completely empty, apart from a few boxes. Now that he came to think of it, he realized he hadn't run into his neighbour in a while and found the apartment oddly quiet. The last tenant must have moved out and he didn't even notice.

Way to be a friendly neighbour Isak…

Isak was startled by the sound of a person walking up the stairs. He turned around and saw a man with a big cardboard box in his arms. Isak was still standing above him but he could see the man was really tall and slender, blond hair bouncing on his head as he climbed the last steps before the landing. The man looked up at Isak and their eyes locked. Isak felt like he received a punch in the gut, this guy had the the deepest, most vibrant blue eyes Isak had ever seen and he kept looking right into Isak's as he continued walking up to to him. When he arrived on the landing Isak had to look up because the guy was indeed really tall, even taller than him. He took in his fine features, his sharp jaw and long neck, his porcelain skin flushed by the effort, a few strands of his smooth hair stuck on his forehead beaded with sweat and his full red lips, half-open as the man was trying to calm his breath.

He was handsome, to say the very least. Isak could not remember when he was ever left so struck by someone’s beauty, and he knew he had probably been staring at him for far too long but he couldn’t shake himself out of his contemplation, not until he heard the man clear his voice and say “Um, sorry I need to…”

Isak snapped back and realized he was still standing in front of the apartment's entrance. He shook his head and stepped aside. “Right, yeah sorry !”

He winced at his own awkwardness but the man gave him the most blinding smile before going in the apartment and putting the box down on the floor. Isak couldn’t help but watch as he squatted down, his jeans tightening around his thighs and perfect ass and he felt his breath hitch in his throat. 

The man looked behind his shoulder and smiled when he found Isak still standing at the door. He stood back up and walked to him, holding out his hand.

“Hi, I’m Even”

Isak took his hand and marvelled at the sensation of Even’s long fingers wrapped around his hand, squeezing it lightly, the warmth of his palm against his own.

“Hi um… I’m Isak.”

“Hi Isak” Even said not letting go of his hand, his eyes piercing right through his. “Nice to meet you. I guess you’re living next door ?” 

“Oh yeah, that’s my flat” Isak chuckled, waving back at his apartment door. “So if you need anything, you can just, well… I’m… right here.”

“Okay.” Even smiled, “thank you Isak, that’s very kind.”

“Of course.” Isak tried to tame the butterflies that were filling him up at the sound of Even deep velvet voice saying his name. “But uh… do you need help moving you stuff up here ? I mean with the elevator not working...”

“Really, you would do that? That’d be really great, thank you!”

Isak seemed to have completely forgotten about his previous plan of lying on his couch and napping for the rest of the day, his fatigue and weariness washed away by a sudden wave of energy.

.

A while later, they walked back up with the last two boxes, panting with the effort.

“Seriously, who keeps closing the front door when they see someone’s moving in ?” Even sighed, shaking his head in annoyance.

“I bet that’s Mrs Johansen on the first floor” Isak chuckled “She’s a real pain in the ass, always watching what people are up to, complaining to the co-owners association. Piece of advice, try to avoid her as much as you can...”

“Good thing you’re the one living across the landing then” Even said and winked at Isak, leaving him a little bit flustered as he got in the apartment.

They piled the last boxes with the others and stood there for a moment, hands on their hips, letting their breath come back to their normal rhythm, smiling every time they glanced at each other. 

“Thank you so much Isak.” Even finally said turning to him “This was no nice of you, really.”

“That’s alright…” Isak felt his cheeks blush under Even’s stare and kind words.

“No, I mean it. Damn I wish I could offer you a drink or something but um…” he trailed off, looking around the empty kitchen and the closed boxes all around them.

“Hold on a moment, I’ll be right back.” Isak said as he turned back to the doorway.

He stumbled against a box lying behind him and almost fell but he felt Even steady him, one hand grabbing his arm, the other resting on the small of his back.

“You alright ?” Even asked smiling a bit teasingly.

“Yeah I um… I’ll just… I’ll be back in minute”.

Even squeezed his arm lightly before letting him go. Isak headed back to his apartment feeling his heart pounding in his chest, the feeling of Even's hand on his back burning through his shirt.

He stepped into the bathroom where he splashed some water on his face and sniffed at his shirt. He looked at his reflection in the mirror, and tried to tame his curls a little, but he realized it would be completely hopeless.

Isak went to the kitchen and opened the fridge where he grabbed a couple of cold beers. He stood there for a moment, the cool air from the fridge helping him calm his nerves a bit. Okay, so, his new neighbor was the most beautiful man he had ever met, he seemed sweet and funny and _fuck_ his lips were to die for… This was fine, this was totally fine. Isak was going to be completely chill about it.

He took a deep breath and walked back to his neighbor’s apartment. Even turned around when he heard him come back and Isak held the beers up.

“Here, to celebrate your moving in.”

Even's smile turned so bright, Isak felt his heart swell in his chest.

_Chill Isak, you said you'd be totally chill for fuck's sake..._

He handed Even one of the beers, trying to brush away the lingering feeling of Even’s fingers accidentally brushing his own.

“And here’s to you officially the best neighbor ever” Even said as their clinked their bottles together to toast, Isak chuckling and feeling his face blushing a little.

They sat on the floor, leaning against piles of boxes as they opened their beers. They laughed when they both let out a content sigh after the firt sip.

“So, what do you do Isak ?” Even asked

“I’m a doctor, I work in an emergency service.” he answered smiling internally at the way Even kept punctuating his phrases with his name.

“Oh wow… that's, impressive.”

“Yeah well…” Isak trailed off, a bit affected by the intensity of the way Even looked at him, a glint of admiration in his eyes. “What about you ?”

“I’m a graphic and web designer..." Even shrugged, "I work freelance and mostly from home. Which means you’re gonna see a lot of me around here!” he chuckled.

“Cool…” 

Isak observed Even as he took another sip of beer, his long pale neck stretching when he tilted his head back, the movement of his Adam’s apple going up and down his throat, the way his lips pursed around the bottle. He looked down, feeling a little flustered and cleared his throat to compose himself, hoping Even didn’t notice the way he was looking at him.

As Isak was about to add something, they were startled by a woman’s voice, coming from the opened front door.

“Hello ? Even ?”

Even got up, stretching his never ending legs and greeted the woman who had entered the apartment.

“Oh here you are !” she exclaimed “What were you doing hiding behind the boxes ? Is everything here ? Wow… well done !”

“Yeah, I had some help actually...” Even said as Isak also rose to his feet to face her.

“Oh, hi there!” she said when she saw Isak. She smiled at him but shoot Even a quick questioning look.

“This is Isak, he lives right next door and helped me move everything up in the flat. Isak, this is Sonja, my girlfriend, and well also your new neighbor !” Even said, walking up to the woman and wrapping an arm around her shouders.

“Oh, hi… nice to meet you um… Sonja.” Isak said, the words strunggling to leave his mouth.

“You too ! Oh wow thank you so much for helping Even…”

Her voice faltered, Isak unable to concentrate on anything else but the painful sensation of something shattering in his chest. He didn’t dare to look at Even, feeling as his blue eyes could probably see right through him and the turmoil he was in.

“... what do you say ?” he was suddenly brought back by Sonja’s voice.

“Huh, I’m sorry ?”

“You have to come again for dinner or something, I really want to thank you for your help. As soon as we’ve unpacked enough to make this place presentable?” her eyes were sparkling with joy. She had a kind smile highlighting just how pretty she was.

"I huh… I really don't want to impose…" Isak stuttered, beginning to feel really uncomfortable.

"Nonsense! We're having you over for dinner, please?" Sonja insisted.

Isak forced a smile on his lips and said “Yeah, of course, I’d love to, thanks.”

“So um… I guess I’m gonna let you two get settled then.” he continued, and then headed toward the door. 

“See you soon!” she said as she waived at him.

Even walked him to the entrance and leaned against the doorframe. 

“So um… thank you, again.” he said softly.

“Yeah of course, anytime…"

Even smiled at that, a soft almost shy crooked smile and nodded.

“Good evening, Isak.”

“You too...”

As soon as Even closed the door, Isak could hear Sonja laughing and talking with an excited voice, obviously thrilled to me moving in this new apartment with her boyfriend.

Even. Her boyfriend.

Isak went back to his own apartment and let out a deep sigh. He couldn’t move, didn’t even bother turning the lights on, he just stood there in the middle of the flat completely stunned.

What the fuck was happening. 

When he managed to come to after a moment, Isak just crashed on his couch and took out his phone, opening his texts conversation with Eva.

.

**Isak**

_So…… I might have gotten myself into boy problem after all._

He saw her typing back almost immediately.

**Eva**

_???????????_

_What ?!!_

**Isak**

_Meet me for coffee tomorrow after my shift ?_

**Eva**

_You bet !!!!!_

_._

Isak went to bed feeling utterly exhausted but he couldn’t find sleep, his mind and his heart racing, not letting him rest. When he tried closing his eyes, all he could see was Even, his eyes, his lips, his ridiculously longs limbs, and he could feel his skin tingle every time he recalled the feeling of Even fingers against his own, of his hand resting on the small of his back to keep him from falling, maybe lingering there a second longer than necessary.

He could hear Even’s voice resonate in his head, a particular word coming out of his beautiful plump lips again and again. His name. _Isak_.

 _Oh no_. That was bad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ooops, here we go again...
> 
> This is pretty much mapped out, I think, so I'll try to update as regularly as I can. Thank you so much for reading, I hope you liked this first chapter :)
> 
> You can come say hello on [twitter](https://twitter.com/lokkanel) or [tumblr](https://lokkanel.tumblr.com/)  
> Much Love  
> L.


	2. Dinner for three

“Sooo…” Eva stretched out the word as she took in everything Isak just told her.

They were sitting in a coffee shop near the hospital where Isak had just finished his shift, completely drained after a sleepless night spent rolling over in his bed, trying to shut his brain off and calm his thundering heart. Eva looked at him, her eyebrows raised in a mix of stupefaction and amusement.

“…basically you just met the man of your dreams and he just moved in right across your apartment with his lovely girlfriend.”

“I never said he was the man of my dreams...” Isak scoffed rolling his eyes, “but yeah… that’s it, in a nutshell.”

“And now you have to have dinner with your hot new neighbor and said lovely girlfriend…”

“Mmmh…” Isak groaned putting his head in his hands.

“Oh boy, you’re screwed…” Eva chuckled. As sympathetic as she tried to be, she just couldn’t help teasing Isak before the absurdity of the situation.

“Thanks a lot Eva, that’s really helping…” Isak said as she continued laughing.

“But I’m sure it won’t be _that_ bad... I just met the guy and it’s not like I’m in love with him or anything. I mean yeah ok, he’s really hot but that’s it. I bet during that dinner I’ll realize he’s a complete dumbass and I’ll be fine… You must be right, _as usual_ , I just need to get laid is all.”

There was no need lying to himself. Isak had a massive crush on his new neighbor. Okay, Even was probably not the “man of his dreams” but his fucking most perfect wet dream personified ? Yeah, that was about right. 

And he lived right next door with a beautiful woman.

What could possibly go wrong?

“Yeah, right…” Eva chuckled, looking clearly not convinced, “If you say so.”

.

When Isak went home, he found a little note taped on his front door. 

_Hei Isak ! How about dinner this weekend ? Friday, saturday ? It’s up to you. We’re looking forward to having you over ! Sonja & Even. _

He stood there for a moment, staring at the note. The names of Sonja and Even, intertwined, tied together with an ampersand, staring right back at him.

Isak turned his head back toward their door, he stood still, listening, but there didn’t seem to be any sound or movement in Sonja and Even’s apartment. He removed the note slowly from his door and let out a small sigh before unlocking his door and getting in his flat.

_Alright, better to get this over with…_

Isak took out his phone, opened a new conversation and texted the number that was written at the end of the note.

.

**Isak**

_Hei, this is Isak (your neighbor), thanks again for the invite. Friday sounds good, yeah. Shall I bring anything?_

_._

Isak didn’t have to wait long to hear his phone ping with a new message. He picked it up, a little bit nervous, not knowing who it was he was really texting. It was ridiculous but of course he hoped it would be Even, writing his number on a little piece of paper, taping it on his front door, waiting to hear from him. Isak shut his eyes tightly and shook his head, trying to dispel these thoughts.

He then unlocked his phone and checked the new message.

.

**xxx-xx-xxx**

_Hei Isak ! Perfect, friday it is then. Let’s say 19:00 ?_

_And no worry we’ll have everything sorted, no need to bring anything._

_Just you :)_

_Oh, this is Even btw_

.

Isak couldn’t help the smile that spread wide on his face when he read the last couple of messages, butterflies swirling in his stomach.

When he snapped out of it, he was filled with a very strange sensation, torn between the eagerness to see Even again, and the dread of spending an entire evening with the couple.

He tried to reason himself, remembering what he had said to Eva earlier. This would eventually pass, he just met the guy, it was nothing more than a fucking fantasy, something he had built up in his head, and it would probably go away as he quickly as it came.

That or he just would have to move out to the other side of town. No big deal.

.

Isak had been able to push this dinner at the back of his mind during the week. His work at the hospital didn’t give him the luxury to let his mind wander and he never ran into Even or Sonja in the building those few days. So he didn’t really think about it.

But came friday and Isak was nervous. Eva kept sending him little encouraging texts but they just worried him even more. At the end of his shift, he felt completely washed out and for a moment, he even debated cancelling that damn dinner.

_Oh come on, get a fucking grip. It’s only a couple of hours of polite smiles, small talk and after that, I’m done._

On his way home, Isak stopped in front of a flower shop. He figured he couldn’t just show up empty handed even if Even told him to.

He pushed to florist door. The air inside was cool and a bit damp, the fragrance of the flowers enveloping him immediately as he entered.

He looked around at the dozens different kinds of flowers, most of them he didn’t even know. What kind of bouquet says “Hello new neighbors, nice to meet you, I might have a serious crush on one of you” ?

“Are you looking for something in particular ?” Isak was startled by a tiny old woman who emerged from behind some plants like a little forest elf.

“Um… I don’t really know”

“Is it for someone special ?” She asked looking at him knowingly, an amused smile on her painted lips.

“Yeah… uh no I mean” Isak stammered “I’d just like something simple and… no rose. Please.”

“Very well” the woman shrugged as she began her selection.

Isak left a few minutes later with a pretty bouquet in his hands. He felt awkward as he walked home, some women looking at him with a pleased smile as if they shared some kind of secret. What, did he look like a man on a way to a romantic date or something ? Fuck, was the bouquet a bad idea ?

He quickly snapped a picture of the flowers and sent it to Eva, asking her if it wasn’t too much.

.

**Eva**

_It’s lovely Isak, very thoughtful._

_Now relax, it’ll be fine… And call us after, we wanna know everything :)))_

**Isak**

_We ?_

**Eva**

_Well yeah, me and Jonas !_

_I kind of filled him in on everything…_

**Isak**

_Of course you did._

**Eva**

_He was a little bit jealous that you turned to me for boys problem, it was really cute._

_So you might have to buy him a beer or something to make it up to him haha_

_But anyway, have a good night, yeah?_

**Isak**

_Thanks, talk to you later_

.

After taking a shower and debating for a ridiculous amount of time on what to wear that would make him look nice because he was invited for dinner after all, but wouldn't show that he made too much of an effort, Isak was finally ready for the evening.

He grabbed the bouquet and looked all around him for a minute to make sure he didn’t forget anything when he was going to dinner literally just across the landing… 

He took a couple of deep breaths and wiggled his shoulders to try and somewhat relax.

_Okay, here we go._

_._

Isak stood in front of Even and Sonja’s door, hearing music and muffled voices on the other side. When he realized how awkward it would look if one of them was to open the door for some reason, he finally knocked. 

The door swung open almost immediately and there stood Even. Isak hadn’t seen him again since his moving in and he had spent the last few days trying to convince himself that he had surely greatly exaggerated how handsome he was. But oh boy was he wrong.

It was like another version of this fantasy of a man. When Isak first saw him he was wearing torn out clothes, his hair messy and sticking to his sweaty, flushed skin. But tonight, he looked so elegant, his blond hair styled in an elaborate quiff, wearing a dark button up shirt, just slightly opened on the pale skin of his neck. An Isak was fucking unable to tell which version of Even took even more his breath away.

“Isak, hei ! It’s so nice to see you” Even greeted him, smiling so wide his blue eyes crinkled, making Isak’s heart skip a beat.

He cleared his throat, not trusting his voice not to reveal his emotion.

“Hei, yeah you too… Thanks again for having me over.”

“Of course um…”

They stood their for a moment, a bit hesitant and Isak prayed internally _Please, I beg you, don’t try to give me a hug..._

As if he heard him, Even actually took a step back and moved aside “Please, come on in.”

Isak let out a quiet relieved sigh and stepped in the apartment. There were still boxes lying all around the place, only the most necessary items and a few pieces of furniture had been unpacked and installed. The smell of food was filling the place, and they had lit little candles that were scattered around the room. The couple had only been living here for a few days and somehow their appartement already felt like a home. Isak felt his heart clenching at that thought. He been in his own flat for several years now and it still looked so impersonal, apart from a few pictures of his friends displayed on his fridge under little magnets.

“I um… I got you these” Isak said hesitantly as he handed the bouquet to Even.

He felt really awkward and for a moment, and regretted buying those stupid flowers; but then he looked up at Even and saw his face illuminated by the softest smile, his eyes shining with a mix of surprise and wonder. Isak felt his heartbeat accelerate and he knew he was blushing but right at this instant he didn’t really care.

Isak had never been the romantic type. He’d been in a few relationships that lasted enough for him to put some effort into, with nice dates and thoughtful gestures, but he’d never gotten anybody flowers that wasn’t, well, his mum probably. But right know he couldn’t help thinking that he would bring Even armuls of flowers everyday if it meant seeing this look on his face.

He was stopped in his ridiculous train of thoughts by an excited high pitched voice “Isak hei, it’s so nice to see you !!”

He blinked as Sonja joined them in the entrance and gave him a quick welcoming hug. As she stepped back, her eyes laid on the flowers Isak was still holding and she exclaimed beaming “Oh wow, this bouquet is so pretty you shouldn’t have !’

 _Right, of course, you’re supposed to give_ her _the flowers, you idiot..._

“Thank you so much I love them”, she continued as Isak handed her the bouquet clumsily, “I think I saw a vase in one of the boxes I opened yesterday, hang on…”

Isak and Even stood there, chuckling awkwardly as they watched Sonja rummaging through the cardboard boxes lying in the living room. When they turned back toward each other, their eyes locked and they stayed still for a second, a small instant that Isak wish could have stretched forever, just drowning in Even’s deep blue eyes.

“Do you want something to drink ?” Even asked “Wine, beer ?”

“Yeah, a beer is fine, thanks.”

Even grabbed two beers in the fridge and poured some wine in a glass before inviting Isak to take a seat at the dining table, one of the few pieces of furniture that had been set up in the flat. Sonja joined them and placed a vase containing Isak’s bouquet on the table, the petals glowing in the golden light of the candles that had been put on the table.

 _The perfect fucking romantic setting…_

Sonja’s smile widened when she spotted the glass of wine Even had brought for her. She leaned down to kiss him, humming against his lips, “Thank you honey.”

Isak looked down at his lap a stinging feeling inside his chest. When he heard Sonja pulling a chair to sit a the table, he tilted his head back up and took a quick glance at Even who was looking back at him. When their eyes met, Isak felt a shiver run down his spine, all the way to the small of his back where Even had let his hand rest a few days ago, the mere souvenir of his touch burning Isak’s skin. It lasted only a second, and then Even looked away.

.

Thankfully for Isak, Sonja was very talkative so there was never an awkward silence. She talked lively about her work, her family, the latest film she’d seen at the cinema, this new neighborhood she had yet to discover and get used to live in… She asked Isak a lot of questions about him too, but never pushed him when he answered vaguely. He was never comfortable revealing himself to people he had just met, but more than that, everytime he open his mouth to talk, he saw or felt Even intense gaze on him. It was exhilarating, Isak could feel his heart bolting everytime Even looked at him, but it was almost too much and he had to divert attention from himself before Even could see how flustered he was getting.

Isak observed them a lot during dinner. Sonja & Even. 

How they looked at each other, eyes filled with love and fondness, the melody of their laughs harmoniously blending together, their simple touches whenever they were near each other, fixing a collar, wiping some tomato sauce off the others cheek, how she simply put her hand on his shoulder, her thumb gently stroking his neck without even realizing it.

It all seemed so easy, so natural. Their bond was obvious and _god_ , were they beautiful together.

It was both fascinating to watch and gut wrenching. Because as much as tried to tame it, Isak couldn’t help his stupid heart pounding like crazy whenever Even looked into his eyes.

This was getting completely ridiculous. Isak began to think of ways to excuse himself and go back to the safety of his apartment, when he was interrupted in his thoughts by Sonja letting out a deep yawn.

“I’m really sorry boys but I think I’m gonna have to call it a night”, she said rubbing her eye almost like a sleepy child as she stood up. “I had such a busy day at work, I’m just exhausted…”

“Well, I’ll go, I…” Isak started.

“No no no !” she interjected, “I don’t want to kick you out, please stay, I’m just gonna go to bed…”

She leaned down and gave Even a soft kiss on the lips.

“Goodnight babe” he said with a smile.

She headed toward the bedroom and blew them a kiss before closing the door, “Good night boys !”

They stayed silent for a moment, Isak felt nervous, not daring to look at Even. He probably wanted Isak to go home and let him go to bed with his girlfriend, let him slip under their sheets and nestle against her body.

“I think I should…”

“Nightcap ?”

They talked at the same time, but Even with a lot more assurance than Isak. Did he really mean it and wanted Isak to stay ? Isak finally looked up at Even and saw nothing but sincerity in his eyes. Even raised his eyebrow, a slight grin on his face, silently repeating his offer.

“Okay, sure” Isak chuckled.

Even grabbed a couple more beers in the fridge and sat back in front of Isak. They spent a moment just sipping their drinks, exchanging smiles and glances, before Isak cleared his throat and asked, “So, you and Sonja um… how long have you been together ?”

“That’s a bit difficult to say actually… We first got together when we were fifteen, dated all through high school, then we’ve been kind off and on again during college and a while after that. Kinda drove our friends mad, but now we’ve been together again for about a year.”

“Oh wow…” Isak huffed, a little gobsmacked, “So moving in together, that must be a big step. Finally settling down ?”

“Yeah, I guess we are…” Even trailed off.

“How about you Isak, is there someone special in your life ? Girlfriend, boyfriend ?” Even asked raising his eyebrows in curiosity.

“Um no” Isak laughed awkwardly feeling a blush creeping up his cheeks, “no… _boyfriend_. There’s just me.”

Even hummed, a small, almost imperceptible smile on his lips. 

.

After a while and, well, another beer, Isak felt more relaxed. It was just like the first day, when Even moved in and there was just the two of us, talking, having a drink amongst the boxes scattered around the apartment.

Isak was telling Even about some of the weirdest things he’d seen in the E.R. (which often included people coming in for “accidentally” sticking the most ridiculous objects in their bodies), when Even burst out laughing.

Isak marvelled at the sound of Even’s deep, melodious laugh, at the sight of his face crossed by the brightest smile, his eyes crinkled. He felt his body filled with a delightful warmth, and his heart swell with something like pride for being responsible for such a breathtaking sight.

But Even stopped suddenly and turned to the bedroom door, his body still, attentive for any sound coming from the other side.

“Shit, I hope I haven’t woken her up…” he finally said, as he turned back toward Isak.

_Right, of course._

For a little while, Isak had forgotten about Sonja. He’d forgotten she was there, just a few meters away, only separated from them by a thin wall. For a little while there was only Even and him. But that little bubble had burst and Isak was reminded that he would have to go home and let Even go back to Sonja.

“Yeah, I think I should head home, actually, it’s getting pretty late…” Isak said.

“Okay…” Even whispered back.

Even walked Isak out. They stood there for a moment, Isak shifting his weight from one foot to the other.

“Thank you again for dinner.” he finally said, the words coming a little but painfully out of his mouth, effectively putting an end to this evening with Even.

“You’re welcome, Isak. I had a really nice time.”

“Yeah me too…” Isak smiled, thankful for the obscurity of the landing, as he felt his cheeks blush.

“Well I won’t say see you soon, because, obviously…” Even chuckled gesturing to Isak’s door, “but um… let’s do this again yeah ?”

“Okay, yeah, I’d like that.”

As he turned his key in the lock, Isak heard Even close his own door quietly behind him. He felt his presence linger for a moment, wondering if he maybe stayed right by the door.

But then, Isak shook this ridiculous idea off.

Even was probably already walking toward his bedroom.

And to her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, I hope you liked this new chapter :)
> 
> My [Tumblr](https://lokkanel.tumblr.com/)  
> Much Love  
> L.


	3. Until Tomorrow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It took forever but here is chapter 3. Enjoy !

Isak slid in the booth where Eva and Jonas were already sitting after grabbing a drink at the crowded bar, and let out a deep frustrated sigh. “Fifteen minutes to get a bloody beer, for fuck’s sake…”

“Well, someone’s in a good mood tonight !” Eva laughed.

“What?” he frowned in response, “I’m fine…”

“Come on dude, we all know the service in this bar is shitty, but that’s too much grouchiness for a saturday night, even for you.”Jonas chipped in.

“So… how was yesterday’s dinner ?” Eva asked carefully, leaning toward Isak until their shoulders bumped.

Isak shrugged, looking down at the beer bottle in front of him, “It was fine, dinner was delicious, they’re both lovely and I’m sure we’re gonna be the friendliest of neighbors so… yeah, everything’s great.”

Eva and Jonas looked at each other, eyebrows raised in perplexity, silently debating which one of them would question him further. He rolled his eyes, a little bit annoyed at being at the center of one of their weird wordless conversations and let his head fall on his arms that were folded on the table.

“Ugh… okay, fine it was… weird alright ?” he groaned, his voice muffled in the sleeve of his hoodie.

“What do you mean?” Eva asked, gently pushing Isak’s curls off his forehead, causing him to tilt his head back up.

“Well, as I said, everything was very nice, _they’re_ really nice… god they’re fucking perfect! They’re high school sweethearts you know ? You can tell just how much they know and understand each other, how much they love each other… The’re basically you two only, taller and blonder.”

Jonas couldn’t help but chuckle at that, Eva shoved him and gave Isak a small smile, her hand still gently stroking his hair. They didn’t look at each other this time, their attention entirely turned to Isak, waiting for him to continue.

“And him… well he’s just as funny and sweet as he’s bloody handsome and I know I barely know him, but I just can’t get him out of my head, so… yeah… That was a weird fucking evening.” Isak sighed.

“Sorry man, that really sucks…” Jonas said, slowly shaking his head.

“Do you know why I arrived late tonight ?” Isak asked with a bitter laugh, “When I was about to get out of my flat, I heard them talking on the landing and I just couldn't go out and meet them. After I heard them leave, I waited like ten minutes just to be sure they were far enough before I stepped out… That’s fucking ridiculous!”

“Aww sweetie...” Eva pulled him into a tight hug.

“Ugh… Eva, let me go!” he whined.

“Nope, I’m gonna crush you with all my love, whether you like it or not.”

“Jonaaas, control your woman!” Isak begged. 

“Sorry man” Jonas laughed, raising his hands in defense, "you know I don't have that kind of power. Also, looks like you need it."

"I hate you two…" Isak grumbled.

"You know you love us, Issy" Jonas said as he stood up and headed towards the bar to order another round.

Isak groaned but he soon gave in and leaned into Eva’s warm embrace, his friend squeezing a deep comforted sight out of him.

“You big softy…” she chuckled.

“You better not tell Jonas.”

“You secret’s safe with me” Eva whispered and gave him a soft kiss on the head.

*

Isak spent the rest of his weekend locked in his apartment, trying to convince himself that it was just because he was too lazy to do anything, and not at all because he didn’t want to take the chance to run into Even and Sonja. Also, he had an early shift on Monday so, better to stay in and relax, right ?

He went to bed on Sunday night determined to let this ridiculous week behind him. Enough behaving like a teenager pinning on a straight guy he could never have. It was nothing more than this, a stupid crush and he’ll just have to get over it like the grown ass man he was.

He battled with these thoughts until much too late in the night, exhaustion finally silencing them only a few hours before he had to wake up for his early shift at the hospital.

*

Isak hated those early shifts. He’d never been a morning person but having to wake up and leave for work when there was nothing but silence and darkness around, the city still fast asleep, thet really was the worst.

When he got to the hospital, he went to the staff room where he found one of the nurses, sitting at a table with a newspaper, two steaming cups of coffee in front of her. When she heard Isak come in, she looked up from the article she was reading and smiled, immediately handing him one of the cups.

“Morning!” she said, cheerful as always “I saw you were on this shift when I checked the planning, so I got you coffee, I know how badly you need it at this time of the day!”

Isak let himself fall on the chair in front of her with a groan, “Thank you so much Emma, you’re a lifesaver…”

Her smile grew even wider and she let out a giggle, a light blush coloring her cheeks. She’s always had a thing for Isak and pursued him relentlessly for months before she found out and accepted that he was in fact gay. They managed to get past that and move to a somewhat comfortable friendship, even if she still sometimes got a bit flustered by something Isak would say or do, or even flirted with him on a drunken night.

But he really liked Emma, she was kind and generous, with the patients and her coworkers alike. How she could be that perky so early in the morning was beyond Isak, but if he was honest, it was a lot easier to get through those early shift when she was there.

He sipped on his coffee, listening to Emma telling him about her weekend, her animated high-pitched voice keeping him from dozing off.

“Alright Doc, time to go!” she said as she threw the two coffee cups in the trash.

Isak sighed lightly for form, but then followed her, smiling as she continued to babble joyfully.

*

Isak left the hospital early in the afternoon and headed back to his apartment. He didn’t manage to find a moment to take a break and eat anything so he was starving but also too tired to stop to the shops on his way home. He figured he would had some of the leftovers that were probably in his fridge for far too long anyway, and then take a nap. Maybe that would even give him enough energy to go out and have a drink with Jonas after he would be finished with work too.

Isak froze when he stepped into the lobby of his apartment building. Even stood there, oblivious to his presence for a moment as he scrolled through his phone. Isak cleared his throat as he walked up to him. Even looked up, a beaming smile appearing on his face when he saw him.

"Oh, hei Isak! Good news, looks like the elevator is working again".

"Here you go" he continued when the elevator landed on the ground floor, opening its door with a tiny bow.

"Hei, um… thanks" Isak stammered as he walked passed Even, his heart beginning to race at the perspective of standing with Even in such a small enclosed space, even for only the few seconds it would take to go up to the fourth floor.

Even walked inside after Isak and smiled at him, his blue eyes piercing through Isak’s as the door slid back closed. Isak couldn’t help fidgeting, trying to fight the blush that was threatening to cover his entire face. He was relieved when Even broke the silence and asked him, “Back from work already?”

“Yeah, I started early this morning so I…”

He was cut short when the elevator suddenly stopped right after they’d passed the third floor.

“What the fuck, not again…” Isak groaned.

That was just what he needed. He went from exhausted and dying to get home to flustered at the mere sight of Even, and now he was stuck with him in this ridiculously small space… Isak felt like the universe had decided to make him the butt of a very mean joke.

Isak stopped his inner wailing when he looked back at Even. His breathing was jerky, his eyes wide, and he was now the one who didn’t seem to be able to stand still.

“Hey, you’re okay?” Isak asked worriedly.

“Well… to be honest I’m a little bit claustrophobic” Even tried to laugh it off but Isak could feel his discomfort.

“Don’t worry, it happens all the time, it’ll get going again in a minute.”

Even nodded but Isak could see he was still as tensed, he knew he needed to do more to help him destress so, tentatively, he raised his hand and put it in Even’s shoulder, squeezing it lightly to try and ground him.

“Try to take a deep breath, that’s it…” 

Isak let his hand reach Even’s back and he began stroking it gently up and down, as Even took deep breaths in and out.

_Up and down, in and out..._

After a moment, he felt the muscles of Even’s back beginning to relax under his touch. He wondered if he should take it off but Even didn’t give any sign that he wanted Isak to stop.

When his hand landed on the small of Even’s back, Isak stilled as they felt the elevator get going again. It was only when it stopped and the door slid open, that he realized he let his hand rest there for the few seconds it took for them to finally reach their floor. He withdrew his hand quickly as if it was burning and chuckled awkwardly as Even turned to him.

“Sorry about that” Even said with a smile that washed all the tension away “and thank you, I’m glad you were with me or I might have panicked a bit over there” he laughed.

“Don’t worry about it…” Isak waved off.

“What are you doing right now ? I was about to make myself lunch, do you wanna join me?”

The perspective of eating leftovers alone in his apartment was really not that appealing but still, Isak was about to politely decline, telling himself that it was best if he just went home and avoided his handsome neighbour. But the way Even looked at him was so hopeful he couldn’t resign himself to say no to him.

When they got into Even's apartment, Isak immediately saw all the things that had been set up since the last time he was here. A couch and a coffee table in the living room, blue curtains on the windows, some plants here and there, a picture of Even and Sonja in a pretty frame…

"Yeah, sorry it's still a bit of a mess…" Even said as he saw Isak looking around him.

"Oh no, not at all! You seem to be almost set up, it looks nice…" Isak answered, almost timidly.

"Thanks! But that's all Sonja, I'm just glad I finally have my desk back so I'm able to start working from here."

Isak hummed in response, watching Even as he rummaged through the cupboards and the fridge for what he needed to cook lunch. As they continued chatting, he observed Even slicing and stirring, the muscles of his back moving under his white tee-shirt with every action. He tried to stop himself from thinking about how merely minutes earlier, his hand was touching, stroking that part of Even’s body, only a thin layer of cotton separating their skins. He felt his fingers tingle with the desire to reach Even and touch him.

“This is going to become a habit…” Even suddenly said.

Even turned toward him, an amused look on his face, and Isak felt a sudden blush spreading across his cheeks, wondering if he had caught him staring.

“What is ?” he frowned.

“Me, cooking for you after you’ve come to my rescue…” Even winked and Isak knew it made nothing to calm the blush on his face that was probably very visible now.

“You made dinner the other night ?” he asked.

“I sure did… Spent all the afternoon preparing everything” Even laughed, “I really wanted to do that for you, as a thank you.”

“Oh. Well, it was really nice… Thanks.” Isak said softly and felt a warm and tickling feeling running through him, like a wave of tenderness catching him at the idea that Even had spent so much time doing this for him.

They ate at the kitchen table, chatting about nothing and everything, conversation flowing naturally, as if they’d known each other for ever. Even their silence felt comfortable, words replaced by kind looks and soft smiles.

“Well, I think you’re actually the one you rescued me today… from a terrible lunch. I don’t seem to be able to feed myself properly so, yeah… thanks a lot.” Isak joked as they finished eating.

Even laughed and Isak felt his heart bolt at the melody that filled the space around them and enveloped him like a warm blanket.

"Anytime you need a proper meal, you know where to knock." Even said with another wink that made Isak blush like a teenager.

"So, I don't have any dessert, but how about..." Even continued, handing out a joint from the pocket of the jean jacket hanging on the back of his chair with a crooked smile.

"You know, as a doctor I'm supposed to tell you that shit is bad for you." Isak said trying to sound serious but he couldn’t help let out a chuckle as Even raised his eyebrows in a playful challenge.

*

They were sitting on the couch, three cups on the table in front of them. Two were filled with steaming coffee, the third serving as an ashtray. Isak let his head fall back and looked at the smoke rising in white and blue curls above their heads.

As the weed took effect on them, Isak and Even let their body relax and slowly slide closer together until their shoulders were touching. They talked with low voices, as if they didn't want to disturb the fragile intimacy of the bubble that surrounded them.

"Did you always know you were gonna do that, become a doctor?" Even asked.

"Yeah, it was kind of an obvious choice for me. I mean I've always been a science nerd…"

"You were? Yeah I can see that..." Even said, a teasing smile on his lips.

"Fuck off…" Isak chucked, shoving Even's knee with his own.

They laughed for a moment and stilled again, their knees still touching but neither of the two made any move to part them.

"But also, when I was younger I've had a lot of people helping me when I needed it and… I don't know, I guess I wanted to give back in a way… help people too you know?"

After a moment, Isak turned his head tentatively towards Even and found him already looking at him, his eyes so blue, so kind, burning through his own. Isak lowered his gaze but it only landed on Even's lips, turned up in the most lovely smile. They were sitting so close to each other, it would only take a little tilt forward for Isak to put his lips on Even's.

He didn't know how long he stared at Even's lips, the weed clearly clouded his capacity to think properly, but when he saw his smile faltering, his lips slightly parted, Isak turned his head back and hoped Even didn’t notice the shaky breath he let out.

“I get what you mean...” Even said pensively, “and I admire you for that, I really do”.

Isak felt lost for words so he just smiled. He didn’t dare to turn his face back towards Even but he knew he didn’t need to. He still felt Even’s gaze on him, could hear the slow rhythm of his breathing. After a moment, Even cleared his throat and turned his head too. He took a long drag on the joint, the rolling paper burning away with a soft crackling sound.

“I wish I was doing something more meaningful too. I mean, I like my job don’t get me wrong but I… This is not really what I dreamt of you know ?”

“What did you dream of ?” Isak asked softly, taking the joint Even was handing him, their fingers brushing against each other.

Even chuckled, he looked suddenly shy, vulnerable and seemed to hesitate before he answered, “Well, I… I wanted to be an artist, to paint and do photography… that’s what makes me really happy. But it’s not easy and it was actually one of the reason Sonja and I used to fight a lot... it wasn’t stable and she felt like I didn’t really want to settle down so… I found a job that would allow me to put those skills to use but that’s just a bit more… serious I guess.” Even shrugged.

“Art _is_ serious.” Isak said firmly, but he instantly felt silly, weed making him bold enough to say things he would normally restrain from passing his lips “sorry I… yeah I get what you mean.”

Even was looking at him, eyebrows slightly raised in an expression that was hard to read, something between surprise and awe. This was enough to make Isak even bolder and ask before he could stop himself, “Would you show me what you do ? Your art I mean…”

Even nodded, a beaming smile spreading across his face. He stood up and walked to his desk, where he opened a drawer and took out a small handbook with a dark green cover. Then he sat back next to Isak and handed it to him hesitantly.

"These are only drawings and sketches… I haven't unpacked my paintings yet but, yeah…"

Isak smiled, trying to quiet Even’s visible nervousness.

He opened the sketchbook and flipped slowly through the pages, warped and darkened by dozens of drawings, portraits, views of the city, delicate flower studies and funny cartoons… They were both silent, Even waiting, Isak speechless, his smile never faltering from his lips. He stopped at a page where Even had drawn four people sitting down on the grass. Two men were smiling happily, the third one seemed more reserved, dark curls falling before his eyes. Next to them, a young woman wearing a hijab, a soft smile on her dark painted lips.

“These are my oldest friends…” Even said fondly, “This is Mikael, Yousef, Elias and his sister Sana.”

“Are these two a couple ?” Isak asked pointing at Yousef and Sana.

“No !” Even chuckled, “but it’s only a matter of time, they're crazy about each other.”

“I can tell...”

“Really ?” 

“Yeah, I can see it in their eyes, the way they look at each other… You really captured it. Even this is… amazing.”

Isak closed the sketchbook carefully and handed it back to Even. When he took it, Isak didn’t let it go right away. They both gripped the leathery green cover, their fingers merely centimeters away, and looked at each other for a moment before Even all but whispered a simple “Thank you…”

They were startled when Even’s phone buzzed on the coffee table. He looked at the screen and sighed, “Shit this is a client, I was supposed to call him this afternoon…”

“Oh right, I’m sorry I didn’t realize I stayed that long, you have work to do… I should go.” Isak rambled.

“No, I mean yeah I do have stuff to do but I… I really enjoyed this.”

“Me too.”

“And I meant it” Even continued with a soft smile, “anytime.”

“Okay…”

They walked to the front door and stood there for a moment, a little hesitant at how to say goodbye, Isak fidgeting on his spot. He saw Even leaning forward and suddenly Isak was wrapped in a warm hug, their chests pressed against each other, Even’s arms around his shoulders, for just a few seconds that Isak wished he could have stretched forever. Their cheeks brushed against each other when Even leaned back and Isak felt his entire body shiver.

“I’ll see you later then” Even said, his eyebrows slightly raised as if he feared Isak could give him another answer than _yes_.

Isak nodded and smiled at Even’s pleased look in return.

*

Isak got home and and found the notifications from Jonas on his phone he hadn’t looked at in hours. But that could wait until tomorrow…

He didn’t want to tell Jonas about his day and hear the concern in his friend’s voice who would surely tell him to be carefull.

He knew that because that’s what he told himself, what he tried to do when avoiding to run into Even. He knew he had to protect himself. But that could also wait until tomorrow...

Tonight he just wanted to live in this feeling just a little while longer. In Even’s embrace, in the look in his eyes when Isak handed him his sketchbook back, in the quietness where they confined in each other.

Everything else could wait until tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it took me so long to update but I could never find the right time to write and also, I've suffered from a serious case of writer's block... So, I hope this was worth the wait.  
> Thanks a lot for reading <3
> 
> My [Tumblr](https://lokkanel.tumblr.com/)  
> Much Love  
> L.


	4. Northern lights

Tomorrow came.

And the day after, and the one after that. And those days got more and more filled with Even. Rather than keeping his distance and protecting his heart, Isak made a little more place for Even in his life everyday.

They created their own little routines depending on the time Isak finished his shifts at the hospital. 

When he worked during the night, Isak would stop for pastries before heading home in the morning. Then he would take a nap and make coffee, waiting until Even would come knocking at his door for a late breakfast, after working for a few hours. In just the time it took them to share a cup of coffee, Isak would forget about the fatigue and stress brought by an entire night spent at the hospital, reveling in Even’s bright blue eyes and blinding smile. 

When Isak worked early shifts, Even would make them both lunch like that day. _Anytime_ , turned into almost every time. Some days, Even would text him what the meal of the day was, using ridiculous fancy terms like in the menu of a posh french restaurant, or ask him to grab some ingredient he was missing on his way back from work, making Isak smile and his heart bolt in anticipation of leaving work to go to him. And just like the first time, those lunches often turned into long afternoons spent sitting lazily on the couch talking, laughing, sometimes they would share a joint and listen to some of Even’s weird playlist that went from classic 90’s hip-hop to awfully cheesy pop songs. 

Isak used to hate those night or early shifts but now he accepted every single one of them without objection, and he even volunteered more and more to get them, to his colleagues delight. Because working during the day meant not seeing Even and going home knowing he was there, so close but at the same time, unattainable.

Because Isak wouldn’t dare to knock on Even’s door and ask him to hang out when he knew Sonja could be there. And Even never did either. Isak couldn’t figure if it was because of some silent understanding between them that those shared moments only belonged to them, or if it was because at those times, Even would prefer to be alone with her, with his girlfriend. Either way, Isak was kind of grateful Even didn’t do anything to make those two worlds collide.

They did run into each other from time to time obviously, and Isak noticed than Even was a lot more reserved on those occasions, he let Sonja do all the talking and only smiled softly at Isak when their eyes met. They never mentioned those moments they spent together in front of her, the memory of these times only existing in the silent glances they gave each other as Sonja filled the air with lively conversation.

Isak never asked Even but he was sure she didn’t know. Not that there was anything they should be keeping from her, and Even had never asked him to either, but he knew. There was like an unspoken agreement, almost a secret that Isak couldn’t help but cherish, just like the little notes and drawings he sometimes found taped on his front door when he left or came back from the hospital in the middle of the night. Just silly words, private jokes and cartoons with the only intent of making him smile. 

*

On a friday night, Isak was having a drink with Jonas who insisted, saying it’d been ages since they did that just the two of them. 

“I’m serious man, where have you been ?” Jonas asked, “I feel like you’ve been completely MIA these last few weeks…”

“Come on, we see each other all the time, I’ve just been busy with work and all…” Isak said, evasive.

“I know, what’s with the weird work hours lately ? Is the hospital short on staff or something ?” 

“It’s not so bad, I don’t mind…” Isak shrugged and looked up at Jonas who was staring at him eyebrows raised, a circumspect look on his face, “What ?”

“You _don’t mind_ , mister _can’t function before noon and five cups of coffee_ ?” Jonas laughed.

Isak was trying to come up with a satisfying answer that would close the discussion when they heard a new song coming on the radio, some hit by Gabrielle Isak couldn't remember the name of. Jonas grunted and shook his head.

“Between the bad service and the shitty music, I really don’t know why we continue coming to this bloody bar…”

Isak would have normally reacted just like Jonas, he would have rolled his eyes and sighed at the poor music choice, but he couldn’t help the smile spreading across his face as he remembered this song coming up one afternoon on Even’s playlist. After Isak had once again mocked his weird music taste, Even began dancing like an idiot and mouthing the song’s lyrics, holding the TV remote like a microphone, until Isak was lying on the couch holding his stomach that was beginning to hurt from the irrepressible fit of laughter.

“Okay, what’s going on with you ?” Jonas asked suddenly, bringing Isak back from his reverie.

“Um what… what do you mean ?” Isak stuttered.

“Come on man, I know you… You just seem different lately, your mind is elsewhere. You can talk to me you know…”

Isak could stay evasive again or find excuses but Jonas did know him, almost better that he knew himself and Isak knew he would see right through him. Besides, he knew he’d have to talk to him eventually, that he couldn’t keep his new and odd relationship with Even from him. And above all, he knew he had done so until then only because Jonas would probably tell him things he didn’t want to, but needed to hear.

“So…” he began tentatively, sensing Jonas looking at him intently as he kept his eyes on his beer, shredding the label on the bottle into little pieces “I’ve been hanging out with Even a bit these days…”

“Okay...” Jonas said when Isak looked back up at him “So, what’s going on with you two ?”

“Nothing. I mean, like I told you we hang out, we talk a lot we… we’re friends that’s it.”

“And how do you you feel about that ? Do you… do you still like him ?” Jonas asked carefully knowing he couldn’t rush Isak into a confession, on the risk of seeing him withdraw into himself completely.

“Yeah…” Isak sighed, “Of course I do. The more I get to know him the more I like him. And before you say anything, I know… I know this is not healthy and I should distance myself from him before this gets too painful but… It’s not just about my stupid crush anymore, we’ve really became friends you know ? And I think, I mean I feel like what we share is kind of… special. So, yeah…”

“Does he know ? That you like him like that, does he…?”

“No of course not!” Isak blurted out, “I mean I don’t think so… Anyway he’s not playing me or anything if that’s what you mean.”

“No, I wasn’t saying that… And I trust you, you know. But I just want you to be careful, I don’t want you to get hurt.” Jonas said softly.

“I know…” Isak sighed.

He wanted to promise Jonas he wouldn’t get hurt, he wanted to assure him that he knew what he was doing and that he would keep his heart safe. But he couldn’t, because Jonas and Isak didn’t lie to each other.

*

Isak began the next week with yet another early shift and, as he arrived to the hospital, found Emma in the staff room, waiting for him again with two cups of coffee. It seemed that Even was not the only one he was developing new little habits with since he started changing his work hours.

He thanked Emma and sat at the table with her, a wide smile on his face. After a moment and a few sips of coffee, he noticed her observing him quite intensely.

“What ? Do I have something on my face or…?” he chuckled.

Emma blushed and let out an embarrassed giggle, and after only a little hesitation she said teasingly, “Well, a smile… which is a bit odd for you at this hour of the day. And I noticed it’s… more frequent these days…”

“Are you saying it’s weird that I’m in a good mood ? Well, fuck I didn’t know I was such a buzzkill…” he said and gave her a wink as he saw her blushing again, fearing she’d vexed him.

“No, of course not ! I mean, you seem happy these days it’s nice… Are you…” she hesitated, “are you seeing someone ?” she finally asked, a small, almost imperceptible crease between her eyes, betraying the frown she was trying to prevent.

“I um…”

Isak didn’t know what to say, couldn’t explain that yes, he had met someone. Someone kind and funny and as handsome as a Greek god with a smile that made his knees week and a voice that sent shivers through his entire body. He couldn’t say that yes, he was happy because he would be with him in just a few hours… even if it was only for a few hours.

“No, I… I’m not seeing anyone.”

“Oh, okay…” Emma laughed awkwardly as she grabbed her coffee cup, only to realize it was already empty.

“So hum…” she continued, “are you looking forward to that conference in Tromsø next week ?”

“Is it next week ? Shit I completely forgot…” Isak sighed, actually not really excited about the all thing at all.

He stood up and finished his coffee in a big gulp, ready to start his shift. When he stepped out of the the staff room, he could still feel Emma’s questioning look lingering on him.

*

After they had lunch together, Even decided to go outside and enjoy the few remaining hours of sunshine to take photographs in the beautiful and late autumn light. 

“Do you um… do you wanna come with me ?” he asked with this smile Isak couldn’t deny anything.

So they strolled together through the streets of Oslo, and Isak realized it was actually the first time they were spending time together outside of the comfort and privacy of their apartments. He felt almost intimidated, as if this relationship he was still struggling to define was some kind of secret their were revealing to the world.

He observed Even as he scanned the spaces around them for a subject to capture; the sharp edge of a building, the pattern of a shadow on the ground, a face lost in the crowd… He watched him still and frown before bringing the camera to his face and _click_ , capturing the scene that caught his eye. He looked so serious, so focused, but then every time he took his camera down and looked back at Isak, his face relaxed instantly, and lit up with a smile, causing Isak’s heart to do a little somersault in his chest.

“What are you working on ?” Isak asked to deflect his own thoughts from that damn smile.

"Mmmh?" Even frowned.

"These photographs, what kind of project are they for?"

"Oh ! No these are not for work actually… I um…" Even seemed to hesitate before he chuckled and continued, "I've been wanting to develop my own projects again lately, art projects I mean… I hadn't done it for a while, I felt like I had to focus on my work and I kinda lost my inspiration… but lately I felt it coming back."

"That's great" Isak smiled, seeing how happy it seemed to make Even, "I'm glad for you."

"Yeah… it does feel really good." Even responded, contemplating the waterfront, before turning his head and boring his eyes into Isak's, like he was trying to tell him something, to explain something Isak wasn't sure to understand.

"I haven't dared to pick up my paints and brushes again yet but… I have a feeling I may soon. I'm just afraid to rush it you know?"

“Just take it one day at the time, see where it goes.” Isak said quietly.

“Mmmh… one day at a time.” Even smiled a small, almost private smile.

They walked silently along the waterfront, the sun slowly setting on the horizon, a cold breeze beginning to blow on the city. As they stood still, just long enough for Even to take a few pictures, Isak began to bounce on his spot to try and warm himself up.

“Are you cold ?” Even asked.

“Nah I’m fine…” Isak shrugged but still, instinctively wrapping his arms around him.

Even huffed a fond laugh and shook his head, then stepped closer to Isak while untying the grey scarf around his neck.

“What are you…” Isak fell silent when Even got so close to him, he was forced to tilt his head up slightly to look at him. Even held out his arms behind Isak and then, slowly, carefully, he wrapped his scarf around Isak’s neck with the softest smile on his lips.

Isak was actually grateful for the bite of the cold wind, that could easily explain the blush on his cheeks and the shivers causing his body to tremble. In reality, Isak felt like he was burning up.

When he was done, Even simply pressed the palm of his hand against the soft fabric, “There… better ?”

Isak simply nodded, unable to concentrate on anything else that calming his heart beating erratically under Even’s hand. Even smiled and resumed his walk, Isak staying behind for a moment to compose himself.

“So um…” Isak started after he’s caught up to Even in a few long steps, “I’d forgot about it but I… I’m going to a medical conference next week.”

“Okay, where is it ?” Even asked.

“Tromsø.”

“Oh.” Even pursed his lips, looking pensive, “So, you’re gonna be gone all week ?”

“Pretty much yeah…”

Even suddenly stopped walking, letting Isak walk a few meter ahead before he stopped too and turned back, only to see Even pointing his camera at him.

“Don’t move, the light hits you just right like this…”

“What are you doing ?” Isak huffed, looking away shyly but not moving from where he was standing.

“Snapping a little souvenir, since you’re gonna be gone for so long.”

Isak saw Even smile and he was sure that if he didn’t have his camera before his eyes, he would have winked at him. That silly ridiculous wink that wasn’t really one since he always failed to keep one of his eyes open, but never failed to fill Isak’s stomach with butterflies.

“I'm only gonna leave for a few days, you should be able to remember what I look like” Isak rolled his eyes playfully at the camera.

“Doesn’t mean I don’t need something to remind me of you…”

Isak felt his breath caught in his throat, he just stood there a little stunned, unable to say anything. Even didn’t see his turmoil, he had lowered his camera and was looking at the little screen with a small content smile on his lips. He stopped on a picture and whispered in the softest, lowest voice, probably meant for himself only, “ _Beautiful_.”

*

When they finally made it back to their apartment building, it was almost completely dark. Even looked up at the windows on their floor and when Isak followed his gaze, he noticed the lights were turned on in Even’s apartment. Sonja was home, probably waiting for him.

They got in the building and stepped into the small elevator. When it got going, Isak remember he was still wearing Even’s scarf and began unwrapping it from his neck.

“Here…” he started, but was stopped in his movement by Even’s hand grabbing his forearm. His pulse raced immediately and he was sure Even must have felt it, his thumb resting on the thin skin of Isak’s wrist.

“You can keep it for now”, Even said, “You clearly don’t dress properly for the cold, and I wouldn’t want you to freeze to death up there…”

Isak huffed out a laugh, rolling his eyes at Even who was looking at him a teasing smile on his lips when he continued, “... and that way you’ll also have something to remember me by while you’re away.”

Isak’s laugh immediately died in his throat. He was lost for words, his brain desperately trying to come up with something to say. But before he could think of anything, they had stopped at their floor and Even was walking backwards out of the elevator, his eyes not leaving Isak’s.

They stood in front of their apartments, both a little hesitant to be the first to open their door and say goodbye. They stayed silent, stretching this moment a little bit longer in silence, just being in each other presence.

It was over when they heard noise coming from Even’s apartment, some light footsteps, her distant voice of Sonja, probably talking on the phone. Another beat of silence, then her melodious laugh resonating through the wall. The harsh reminder for Isak that this was their reality.

"So I, um…" Even began hesitantly, then cleared his throat, "I'll see you when you get back?"

"Okay, yeah..." Isak whispered.

They turned towards their respective doors, the jingling sound of their keys resonating in the stairwell. They opened their doors and turned back to look at each other before entering their apartments.

"Goodnight Isak."

"Goodnight."

Isak shut his door and leaned against it, letting out a shaky sigh. He closed his eyes, brought Even’s scarf to his face and inhaled deeply, taking in Even’s smell. He felt a wave of warmth run through his body but also a clenching feeling in his chest, as if it was becoming too small for his heart.

*

The next week, Isak took the train to Tromsø, watching Oslo get farther and farther away through the window. The city disappeared, and Isak could not not really make out the landscape that was passing before his eyes. It was nothing more than a rapidly moving blur, something unidentifiable, just a growing distance building up between him and Even.

But maybe it was for the best. Being away from him for a few days, not seeing him, not thinking about him every time he got in or out of his apartment and faced Even's door, not feeling his heart bolt whenever he would hear Even's voice in the stairwell, and then sink when Sonja's voice would respond to him. 

Isak was determined to focus on the lectures he was going to attend and on all the people he would be going to meet for the next few days. 

*

It worked on the first day.

Isak went to all the lectures he could fit in a day, barely taking a break. He shut his brain to any outside distraction, just like when he was a med student and didn't let anything or anyone disturb him when he had to study for his exams.

In the evening, he joined the other participants to the conference in the hotel bar. The studious atmosphere of the day quickly turned into a drunken night, again, not so far from those of their med school years.

When he finally went to bed, Isak couldn't think about anything else that the awful sensation of his room spinning all around him every time he tried to close his eyes.

*

Isak sat through the first conference on day two with a horrible headache. He hadn't drank like like in years probably and considering the state of the other attendees, a few of them probably hadn't either. Making the most a few days away from their everyday life, colleagues, family… 

Isak was startled by his phone buzzing in his pocket. In just a second, all of the efforts he'd made that last day to focus and not think about him, were wiped out when he felt his heart bolt and swell in the hope that it was him.

 _Even_.

Isak unlocked his phone and couldn't contain the smile that spread across his face.

.

**Even**

_Hey nerd, how's it going so far?_

**Isak**

_Well, it's 10 in the morning and I'm sitting through a conference on cervical spine trauma pretty hangovered…_

_So, well I guess?_

**Even**

_Wow, sounds intense!_

**Isak**

_The lecture or my headache?_

_Cause I think my headache wins_.

**Even**

_hahaha_

_Well, here I was thinking you went away on serious business…_

**Isak**

_How about you, having fun while I’m gone ?_

**Even**

_Not as much as you obviously! :)_

_Nah, just working… I’m taking a break, almost walked over to you apartment to beg for coffee but remembered you were not there so… texted you instead._

_Anyway, I’ll let you get back to your lecture._

.

Isak smiled and watched the typing bubble disappear and reappear, before Even finally sent him a final message.

.

**Even**

_Miss you._

.

Isak stared at the his screen, wide eyed, his smile replaced by a slight tremble on his parted lips. He let his fingers hover over his phone, not knowing what to do or what to answer until the screen turned black, Even’s texts replaced by the reflection of his own face in complete shock and confusion.

_What ? Did he… ?_

_Fuck…_

*

Isak got through the rest of the day not able to concentrate on a single word the lecturers were saying. His head bombarded with a constant rambling of questions he wasn’t able to silence.

That evening, doctors and lecturers gathered again in another bar of the town. Isak joined them but his mind was still elsewhere. After a few drinks, he excused himself and left the loud and crowded bar.

Outside, the air was freezing. Isak could have just gone back to the hotel and slide under the warm blankets of his bed, but he needed to clear his head first, so he decided to take a walk. He buttoned up his coat and nuzzled into Even’s scarf, the softness of the fabric like a caress against his cheeks, its smell making his head spin for a second.

After wandering around the city for what felt like hours, Isak suddenly stopped in his tracks and looked up at the sky that was beginning to glow in a vibrant green light. The phenomenon got more intense by the minute and soon, large waves of green and purple light where dancing across the firmament. Isak rarely came all the way up north and never at this time of year, so he had never witnessed northern lights with that much intensity before.

He felt overwhelmed by that much force and beauty and thought he would have loved to have someone next to him to witness this spectacle with him. 

_Someone_.

Without even realizing it, Isak grabbed his phone from his pocket and pressed the call button. He heard the tone ring a few times before it answered.

“Hello ? Isak ?” Even whispered, his voice was hoarse, deeper that usual.

“Hei, um… did I wake you up?” Isak said, suddenly realizing he had just rang Even in the middle of the night.

“Well it’s... one in the morning.” Even said still in a very low voice.

“Shit, I’m... I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright.. just, hang on a sec.”

Isak heard the rustling sound of Even probably getting out of bed, a door slowly opening and closing and a few steps on the wooden floor of the apartment, before Even talked again, his voice above a whisper now, but still not as loud as usual.

“Hey, so… what’s going on?”

“I’m just…” Isak hesitated, suddenly feeling silly for calling him at this hour but then, if someone could understand his emotion before so much beauty and his need to share it, it was Even.

“I’m standing under the most beautiful aurora borealis I have ever seen in my life… It is absolutely freezing here but the sky looks like it’s on fire… the colours are surreal, it… it looks like a moving painting. I’ve never seen anything like it and I… I wish you could see this too.”

They stayed silent for a moment, Isak could feel his heart in throat. He felt like he couldn't breathe anymore, until he heard Even say in a soft sigh, “I wish I could too…”

“Thank you, Isak… for sharing this with me.” he continued.

Isak heard the smile in Even’s voice, and it filled his heart with joy and tenderness.

“I’ll let you go back to sleep now… I should go back to my hotel.”

“Yeah, remember, I don’t want you to freeze to death up there” Even chuckled.

“I won’t…” Isak chuckled, “so um, goodnight.”

“Goodnight Isak.” Even whispered again, his words feeling more intimate than ever, despite the thousand and some more kilometers between them.

“Oh and, Even…”

“Yeah?”

“I miss you too.”

*

A few days later, Isak finally got back in Oslo. He arrived to his apartment building pretty late in the night, everything was quiet but still, he couldn’t help his heart race in eagerness.

When he stepped on his landing, of course there wasn’t any light or sound, no sign of Even, but as he stood in front of his own apartment, Isak saw a flat rectangular package leaning against his door.

Isak opened his door and stepped into his apartment, holding his suitcase in one hand, the package in the other. After taking off his shoes and his coat, but leaving Even’s scarf around his neck, he sat at his kitchen table, the package laying in front of him.

Isak stayed still for a moment before he decided to finally tear the kraft paper up.

He unveiled the picture of an aurora borealis painted on a canvas, swirls of green and purple lights across a sky pure, and dark as ink. On the bottom of the painting, the outline of a fjord, lights reflecting on the water and on the land, two minuscule silhouettes looking up at the sky.

Isak let his hand hover over the picture, his fingertips slightly brushing against the relief of the paint. Then he turned the canvas over and found a note, written on the other side.

.

_Dear Isak,_

_I finally found the courage to pick up my brushes again, and I know this painting probably doesn’t do justice to the beauty that you saw… But still, I hope you'll like it._

_Thank you for inspiring me to do this._

_Even._

.

The words disappear in a blur, Isak’s eyes filling up with tears.

_I can’t go on like this…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading and thanks to those of you who left comments on the previous chapters, it makes me really happy :) I hope you liked this new part.
> 
> My [Tumblr](https://lokkanel.tumblr.com/)  
> Much Love  
> L.


	5. You know why

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here comes the drama... sorry !

"So he made that for you you huh?" Eva asked, pensively.

"Yeah…" Isak sighed.

"Wow."

Isak's hands were clenched around his phone, the last texts he exchanged with Even going round in his head.

.

**Isak**

_ Hey, thank you so much for the painting. It's incredible, I don't even know what to say _ .

**Even**

_ So, you're home? _

**Isak**

_ Yeah, came back last night _

**Even**

_ Good. _

_ Can’t wait to see you _

.

_ Now what? _

Isak was lying on his couch, his head resting on Eva’s legs. One of her hands was gently combing through his golden curls, the other was holding Isak’s hand.

Isak closed his eyes and let Eva’s gentle touch soothe him. He let out a shaky sigh and suddenly felt the lost of Eva’s hand on his skin. He opened his eyes and looked back up at her fiend who was know typing on her phone with both hands, brows furrowed.

“What are you doing ?” Isak asked. 

Eva threw him a quick glance and then returned to her phone when she heard the ping of an incoming message. She answered, typing quickly, this time with an amused and somewhat mischievous smile on her lips.

“Calling in the cavalry." she said, very matter-of-factly.

"What?" Isak frowned.

"Isak baby, you've pinned and moped long enough. What you need now is to get out and take your mind off this guy. Sooo… we’re taking you out.”

“Who’s we ?” Isak asked sitting up, getting more and more concerned.

“Get up, go take a shower and change those clothes.” she answered firmly.

“Eva!”

“Just go.”

Isak looked at Eva, eyebrows raised in challenge, but she just crossed her arms and threw him a teasing smirk. Isak knew she wouldn’t cave, so he slowly got up with a groan and headed to his bathroom like he was told.

*

When Isak got out of the shower, he heard someone knock and Eva walk to the front door to open it. 

Immediately after, a loud voice filled the apartment, “Where is he? Where’s my baby Jesus?” 

Isak had barely walked in the living room when he was brought into a hug, so tight he could barely breathe. He groaned and tried to wiggle himself out of the embrace, “Ugh, come on Eskild, let me go…”

“No I won't! I heard my baby was sad and I’m here to make you feel better, so suck it up and feel the power of my healing hugs.”

“I’m fine, Eskild…”

Eskild pulled back slightly to look at him in the eyes and squeezed him again in his arms, “No you’re not. I know you my little baby gay and I can see you’re not okay.”

Isak stopped resisting, he let out a tired sigh and melted a little in his friend’s embrace, “Yeah, you’re right…”

“I know, I’m always right” Eskild shrugged.

Isak chuckled and let Eskild take his face between his hands to look at him with a satisfied smile.

“That’s better.” he said.

“So,” Eskild continued pulling out a bottle of tequila out of his bag, “now we’re gonna have a few cocktails and you’re gonna explain everything to your guru, alright?”

“Eskild…” Isak groaned.

But he didn’t have a choice, so Isak told him and Eva everything about him and with Even, about all this time they’d been spending together, developing their own little habits to the point that Isak couldn’t see the limit between what was a normal friendship and his dreams of more, of a real relationship with Even. He told them how badly he'd missed him while he was gone and how his heart swelled with hope when Even told him that he was missing him too.

*

An hour later, they were all slumped on the couch, in a maze, laughing at whatever nonsense Eskild was babbling about as they finished their drinks.

Eskild suddenly got up, “So, what are we doing tonight ? How about we go to a club ?”

“Oh yes!” Eva exclaimed, beaming, “I really feel like dancing, let’s do that!”

“I don’t know guys…” Isak sighed, “I haven’t done that in a really long time.”

“And that’s exactly why you should!” Eskild said, extending a hand to Isak to help him get up, “Come on baby Jesus, you’re young, you’re hot, you should be on the dancefloor right now, surrounded by horny men and not sulking in your apartment… Come on, let’s go !”

Eva shrieked in excitement while she and Eskild gathered their stuff and started get ready to go out. Isak huffed out a laugh and followed them. Maybe they were right after all. One night of dancing, drinking, letting go a little bit, what could be the harm ?

A couple of minutes later, they all got out of Isak’s apartment. Eva and Eskild were laughing loudly, already quite tipsy after the few cocktails they’d had. Isak was locking the door of his apartment when he heard the voices of his friends falter. He felt another presence on the landing and froze when he turned around to see Even, standing on the last step leading to their floor, looking at him with wide eyes and a small smile that would probably be much wider, weren’t he biting his lips to contain it.

“Hi…” Isak said in a small voice.

“Halla.” Even responded, his deep voice resonating in the stairwell.

Never looking away from Isak, Even climbed up the rest of the stairs and took a few steps on the landing toward him. Isak felt his knees get weak and his heart race in his chest. He’d missed Even like crazy that entire week and now that he was here, coming closer to him, he didn’t know what to do, or what to say. 

Isak was snapped out of his thoughts when he heard Eskild clearing his voice, “Um right sorry, Even these are my friends Eva and Eskild, guys this is um… Even.”

Even seemed startled, as if he was just now realizing there were other people standing between him and Isak. He shook their hands while Isak waited, nervously shifting his weight from one foot to the other.

“ _ Enchanté _ ” Eskild winked, not letting go of Even’s hand.

Even let out a chuckle and threw an amused glance toward Isak before turning back to Eskild, “Nice to meet you too.”

“So, what are you up to ?” Even asked.

“Oh nothing much” Eskild shrugged with a mischievous smile on his lips, “just taking Issy out on a night of debauchery.”

Isak felt his cheeks burn suddenly, he rolled his eyes before grumbling “We’re just going out… to a club or whatever.”

When his eyes landed back on Even, Isak saw that he was still looking at him and seemed pretty amused, “Sounds fun,  _ Issy _ .” he said and added that ridiculous wink.

“Okay boys” Eva chipped in, “this is all really nice, but let’s get going!”

She dragged Isak and Eskild towards the elevator, Isak looking back at Even before going in.

“Have a good night” Even smiled before adding, his voice a little lower, “I’ll see you later, yeah?”

“Yeah, okay…” Isak nodded.

They stood still, eyes locked on each other until the doors of the elevator slid closed. 

“Well, damn Isak, you were right he IS fucking gorgeous...”

“Eskild!!” Eva scolded him.

“What? I’m sorry I’m just stating the obvious…” Eskild said, raising his hands in defense. “But anyway, tonight we’re gonna find our little Issy another hottie.”

“I… I said okay for going out not for you to to find me someone to hook up with…” Isak stuttered, still a bit flustered by their encounter with Even.

“You’re saying that now…” Eva winked at him.

“Come on baby gay, how long has it been since your last hook up? Look at you, it’s such a waste of a beautiful manly specimen…” Eskild continued.

Isak rolled his eyes and let his friends go on their banter until their were out of the building and walking to the tram stop. They stopped and stood in the middle of the streets for a moment while Eva rummaged through her purse, pestering as she struggled to find her wallet.

Isak turned around towards his apartment building and looked up to Even’s window. The light was on, and in the middle of this bright square standing out in the dark of the night, he saw the outline of Even's body. Isak couldn’t see if he was facing the window, watching him leave or if he had his back against it. He couldn’t make out any details, only a shape, like a shadow puppet. After a moment, the shape of another body entered the frame, a smaller body that joined Even’s, embracing him until they formed an entire new shape, like a new entity.

Isak felt his body tense up, then he heard Eva exclaim, triomphal, “Here I found it, let’s go ! Are you guys ready?”

“Yeah", Isak answered turning his back away from the building, “I’m ready.”

*

A couple of hours and a few drinks later, Isak was swaying on the dance floor, eyes closed, feeling the presence of dozens of bodies around him and the throb of the music resonating in his chest.

It had been ages since he felt that sensation of letting go, shutting off his brain from any worry or sense of responsibility, only listening to his body respond to all the sensations overwhelming him, the smell of sweat and perfumes, bodies brushing and bumping into each other, the alcohol flowing in his blood. At this moment, these delicious feelings were all he could think about. And that is exactly what he needed that night.

When he opened his eyes, Isak found a pair of dark brown eyes, shining with drunkeness and want, locked right on his. Isak hold his gaze until the man began to walk towards him, slowly, like a feline approaching his prey.

When he stood in front of him, Isak took him in. He had brown curly hair, and a stubble framing his angular face, an olive skin and a muscular body.

He looked nothing like  _ him _ .

Isak let the man grab his hips and pull him closer to him until they were chest to chest. Isak held on to his arms for support before they started moving together in sync with the music. 

The man turned him around until Isak back was pressed against his chest. Isak felt one of his hands slipping under the hem of his shirt until his fingers were brushing his skin, the other still resting on his hip. 

Isak let his fall back on the man’s shoulder, letting him explore the length of his neck with his lips, his beard prickling the sensitive skin. Isak felt the warmth of his breath against his cheek when the man whispered in his ear, “Wanna get out of here?”

In the corner of his eye, Isak saw Eva and Eskild fidgeting with excitement. Eva gave him a thumb up with the hand that wasn’t holding her drink and Eskild looked at him with wide eyes, gaping as if he couldn’t believe what he was seeing.

He turned his head to look the other man in the eyes and nodded, “Yeah, let’s go.”

*

In the back of the taxi that was bringing them to his place, Isak felt his heart beating like a drum. He was nervous about going home with a complete stranger - fuck he still didn’t even know his name - something he hadn’t done since he was a young and sometimes wild student; but at the same time, he also felt exhilarated to be the object of so so much desire. The feeling of this man’s lips on his own of his tongue against his tongue, of his hands on his skin, this hunger, it was all Isak wanted at this moment.

They stumbled into Isak’s apartment, lips and hands never leaving the other as they shed several layers of the winter clothes that were keeping them apart.

Soon, Isak was pinned up against a wall, the other man’s body pressed against him, his mouth leaving trails of kisses and bites along his neck, his hands exploring his skin on the rhythm of his ragged breathing. He felt the man smile against his lips when hand landed on Isak’s crotch, feeling how hard he was. 

“I wanna blow you”, he whispered in a raw voice, and Isak realized they hadn’t said a word to each other since they left the club, “is that okay?”

Isak nodded and instantly, the man was kneeling in front of him, his hands working on unbuttoning Isak’s jeans. As Isak looked down to the man eagerly undoing his pants, he began to feel nauseous and felt the air leave in lungs. 

“Wait…” he croaked, grabbing the man’s shoulders to make him stop.

He looked up at Isak frowning slightly, but before Isak could say anything else, he was back up on his feet and kissing Isak again, “It’s alright, we can slower…” he whispered against his lips.

Isak tried to relax but all of a sudden, he felt trapped under the pressure of the man’s body, he realized his breath smelled like cheap whiskey and cigarettes, his cologne was too strong and Isak felt like his beard was scratching his skin and that his kisses were sucking the air from his body. 

He turned his head away from the man and there, to his right, his eyes landed on the vibrant colours of the only painting decorating his apartment.

“Stop, I can’t!” Isak blurted pushing the man away from him.

“Okay, okay…” the man held up his hands up to show Isak he wasn’t gonna touch him anymore, “you alright? Have I done something or…?”

“No. No you didn’t do anything wrong, I… I’m sorry, I just can’t.”

Isak needed a moment to collect his thoughts so he excused himself and headed to his bathroom. Behind him, he heard the man sighing deeply as he let himself fall heavily on the couch.

Isak splashed some cold water on his face and leaned on the bathroom sink as he slowly calmed his breathing. When he felt he was back to his senses, he went out of the bathroom and stepped back in the living room. 

There, he found the man sprawled on the couch, eyes closed, already snoring softly.

_ Fuck… _

Isak thought about waking him up and sending him on his way, but then he felt kind of guilty and figured he would probably just wake up and let himself out. He grabbed a blanket that he spread on top of him and headed to his bedroom to sleep in his own bed.

*

When he woke up in the morning, Isak felt a growing headache assailing him as he recalled the details of the night before. He groaned and got up, putting on a pair of sweatpants before he headed to the living room.

He froze as he saw the man sitting up on the couch, blinking and taking in his surroundings, probably just waking up as well. When he heard him come in, the man turned his head and looked at Isak, rubbing one of his eye as a smirk spread on his face.

“Well, this is awkward…” he said, amused.

“Yeah...” Isak chuckled, fidgeting a bit nervously on his spot, “do you maybe want a coffee or something?”

“Nah, don’t worry… I should get going” the man shrugged as he collected his clothes on the floor and put them back on.

Isak smiled and hoped the man didn’t hear the sigh of relief that left his lungs.

A few minutes later, Isak was opening the door for him to leave his apartment, “So um… it was nice to meet you…”

“Nils.” he answered with a smirk.

“Yeah you too…” he trailed off looking at the name tag above the apartment’s doorbell, “Isak Valtersen”

They laughed a little bit awkwardly, Isak leaning on the doorway, when he heard the elevator stopping at the floor and its door slide open. Isak’s smile died instantly when Even got out of the elevator, Sonja right behind him. Even froze and Isak could see his face turn pale and his jaw clenching nervously.

Their eyes locked on each other. Isak couldn’t decipher the emotions that seemed to jostle in Even’s gaze. But it was dark, piercing through him like an arrow.

The contact was broken when Nils grabbed him by the hips, just like he had done at the club, to pull Isak closer to him. He felt Nils’ hand sliding in one of his pockets where he left a little piece of paper. Then, he pressed a soft kiss against the corner of Isak’s mouth before whispering against his lips “I still had fun last night, so… just in case you change your mind.”

Then, Nils got in the elevator and winked at Isak before the doors closed.

“Wow, well done Isak, he’s hot!”

Isak turned around towards Sonja who was looking at him with a wide beaming smile and a cheeky sparkle in her eyes. 

Isak looked for Even, desperate for just one look, one glance that could convey to him that it was nothing, that it didn’t matter, that this thing didn’t even exist, but all Isak could see was the back of his body rushing into his apartment.

“Good for you!” Sonja continued, giving him a thumb-up before she followed Even into their flat.

The sound of the door shutting shattered something inside of Isak. He didn’t know how long he stood there, his body trembling, before he finally got home and sat down heavily on his coach with his head between his hands.

It shouldn’t matter.

It shouldn’t matter if Even thought he slept with someone right ?

There was nothing between him and Even and there could never be anything. Even had a girlfriend. He and Even were just friends and nothing else.

It shouldn’t matter.

So why did Isak feel like he had broken his own heart and hurt Even in the process ?

*

Isak spent days looking at his phone, unable to come up with something to say to Even and desperately waiting for him to reach out.

But he didn't.

So after a whole week he finally worked up the courage to send him a tentative message.

.

**Isak**

_ Hei. Working early tomorrow, do you want to meet for lunch? _

_. _

The minutes passed painfully slowly before Even saw the text, and after that Isak waited and waited even longer until his phone finally buzzed with an answer.

.

**Even**

_ Sorry I won't have the time, lot of work to do _ .

**Isak**

_ Ok, no worries. Another time? _

*

It went on for days. Days turned into another week, then two.

Isak would text Even, asking him to meet but he would only get a short and cold answer, always negative. He tried calling him a few times but each tone ringing in the void felt like a punch in the gut. 

Everytime he got in or out of his apartment, Isak would stand a moment in front of Even’s door. Sometimes, he heard the sound of his footsteps, water running in the kitchen, or the muffled sound of his voice on the phone. And sometimes, he just knew he could feel his presence on the other side of the wall, but he never dared to knock.

*

Isak was walking home after another early shift at the hospital. He was exhausted, not seeing Even anymore reminded him why he hated those shifts in the first place. He hadn’t try to call or text Even that day. He’d stopped trying for a little while, each silence in return feeling more and more painful.

But as he arrived near his apartment building, he saw a tall and slender silhouette get through the entrance door.

_ Even _ .

Isak felt his heart pounding in his chest. 

This was his chance, this time he wouldn't give Even a choice. They would talk even if it was for the last time.

He crossed the streets without even looking for traffic and hurtled towards the building. When he got in the lobby, the elevator was already going up. Isak immediately began running up the stairs. The fatigue of his shift at the hospital suddenly left his body and he climbed the steps two by two, his legs only controlled by the rush of adrenaline, by the urgency of getting to the fourth floor before Even could get into his apartment and close the door.

When he got to his landing, Isak felt his lungs burning, but when he saw Even standing there, keys in his hands, he managed to breathe in just enough air to call his name.

“Even!”

He looked up at Isak, startled by the intensity of his voice, and they both stood there, looking at each other. Isak stayed still, afraid that if he made a sudden movement, Even would run away like a wild animal. 

“Hi…” Even said lowly, breaking the silence.

Isak felt his heart clenching and tears threatening to come to his eyes at the mere sound of his voice. How he had missed this voice…

"Hi. Where… where have you been?" Isak asked softly.

Even fiddled nervously with his keys then he shrugged, "I've had a lot of work to do sorry. I um… I should…"

Even trailed off and started unlocking his door.

“Wait!” Isak blurted, taking a couple of tentative steps toward Even. “Come on Even, what’s going on? You’ve been avoiding me, completely ghosting me for weeks… If I have done something or said something, please tell me because I really don’t understand what’s going on and it’s…”

_ It’s killing me. _

“No you didn’t… I told you I’ve just been busy and… Well I figured you were too so…”

“What?” Isak furrowed his brows, confused.

Even seemed to hesitate, fidgeting and avoiding Isak's eyes, “So um… are you seeing him?”

“What? Who?” Isak asked growing more and more bewildered.

“This guy” Even said, looking up into Isak’s eyes for a an interminable second, before he lowered his gaze again, “are you seeing him?”

Isak felt his blood boil in his vein and his body start to shake. He wanted to scream, his sadness and longing replaced by a fuming anger.

Isak wasn’t naive, he knew that there was something developing between them that was way more than a simple friendship, he knew the words they exchanged while he was in Tromsø were not innocent, and he knew, he felt something break when Even saw Nils kiss him before leaving his apartment. 

But this was not fair.

How dare Even punish him for this ? How dare he act like a jealous boyfriend when he was the one who had someone coming home to him everyday, when Isak would just be left alone in his apartment? Alone, missing someone that was just a few meters away. Alone with only images of Even, his lips on hers lips, his skin against her skin, sweet nothings whispered in unison.

“What does it have to do with anything? And why do you care?!” Isak asked briskly, “Is it what this is about? What do you want from me Even? What is this? What do you…”

Before he could finish his sentence, Even strode the space left between them and took Isak’s face between his hands, pulling him into a kiss.

At first, they stayed still, their mouths pressed against each other. Isak could feel his face burning everywhere Even's skin was touching his own. He started to feel dizzy, his knees trembling, so he reached Even’s arms for support, his hands landing on his wrists before sliding up to grab his upper arms. Even seemed to react to his touch, tentatively moving his soft and full lips against Isak’s and pulling him impossibly closer to him when Isak responded eagerly. Isak felt Even’s tongue softly brushing the edge of his cupid’s bow, sending a shiver down his spine. He parted his lips, their tongues immediately meeting, ravenous with longing.

Even let one of his hands slide to the back of Isak’s head, his long fingers running through his curls and pulling them slightly. Isak couldn’t help a moan escape his lips at the sensation. 

The sound seemed to bring back Even to his senses and he brutally pulled back from Isak, leaving him panting, his body instantly aching with the loss of Even’s touch.

“I shouldn't’ have done that… Fuck!” Even was shaking his head, pressing the palm of hind hands before his eyes, “I’m sorry, I really shouldn't have…”

“Even…” Isak whispered, desperate to calm him down and not lose him again.

“No, don’t… I’m sorry Isak, I can’t.”

Even turned around and stepped into his apartment. He slammed the door shut, the sound covering Isak’s voice when he called his name again, “Even!”

Isak stood there, stunned, unable to catch his breath. He couldn’t make a single movement, because he didn’t know if he would end up collapsing on the floor or violently banging against Even door until he would let him in, or until it would break.

*

They returned to their days of silence, but those ones were almost unbearable.

Because Isak had had a glimpse of what it would be to be loved by Even, and because this time he knew there was no coming back to what they had. He had probably lost him for good. 

He didn’t try to reach out to him this time, and didn’t wait for him to do so either.

He barely even looked at the door of Even’s apartment when he stepped into the landing, feeling nothing but emptiness even if he knew he was probably inside.

*

A week later, as he was getting out of his apartment building, Isak ran into Sonja in the lobby. 

She looked sad and tired, her lovely features were drawn and there was nothing of the spark that usually lit up her eyes.

Isak felt a rush of panic run through his body and a hundred questions bombarding his mind.

_ What’s going on? Did they fight? Did Even told her something happened? Did he tell her he kissed someone? Did he tell her he kissed me? Is she sad because me? Because of us? _

He was desperate to flee but he would have to get passed her to exit the building and going back to his apartment right across hers was not an option either.

So he stood still, frozen, until she noticed his presence and looked up at him.

For a couple of agonizingly long seconds, he waited, getting ready for the blow. But then, she gave him a soft sad smile that filled him with relief and guilt at the same time.

“Hei Isak”, she said with a small and tired voice.

“Hei, um... “ he hesitated before asking “are you okay?”

“Yeah… or not really” she waived off “I’m fine but um…”

Isak felt his pulse racing, fearing what she would say next.

“Well, Even is not doing great right now…”

“Oh?” Isak heard his voice break, but Sonja didn’t seem to notice.

“Yeah he’s um… he’s not well.”

“Is he sick? Is there anything I can do?” Isak asked, before he could stop the words from leaving his mouth, cursing himself mentally.

“No, don’t worry. He’s feeling a bit down at the moment but it happens. He’ill be alright, he just needs a little time.”

“Okay…”

“Thank you Isak” she said softly, giving him a light squeeze on the shoulder, “I’ll tell him you asked after him”

He had no choice but to nod and hope that Sonja didn’t feel the tremble of his body.

When he stepped out of the building, he had to gasp for air, feeling his lungs burning as if he had been held under water. 

_ What I have done? What the fuck have I done? _

*

Isak had gone through his day like a sleepwalker, barely responding to his coworkers, the faces of all the patients he tended to mixing in a blur.

At the end of the day, he fell down in the couch of the staff room, incapable of moving. Or not wanting to, because the prospect of going home was getting more and more dreary everyday.

“Isak? You’re okay?” 

Isak looked up, to find Emma standing in the middle of the room, watching him with worried eyes.

“Yeah, I’m fine… long day that’s all.”

“Are you sure?” she asked softly, getting closer until she could sit next to him, “because you’ve looked pretty stressed lately and… I’m sorry I don’t mean to pry…” she trailed off, grabbing the hem of her scrub nervously.

“You’re not, don’t worry” Isak reassured her, smiling lightly as she sighed with relief, “and you’re right, I’ve not been feeling great these days. But it will be alright… eventually.”

“If you want to take your mind off things…” Emma began hesitantly, “how about a drink? There’s this really nice bar me and the other nurses go sometimes after work…” she continued, nervously tucking a lock of hair behind her ear.

“Okay, sure.”

“Yeah? Cool, just let me change clothes real quick. See you outside?”

Isak nodded and headed outside to wait for Emma. Maybe that was just what he needed, to have a couple of drinks with someone who knew nothing about him and Even. To forget everything for a couple of hours.

*

But it didn’t work out that way, and a couple of drinks turned into quite a lot of drinks, Emma’s brows furrowing with worry each time he came back to their table with another full glass.

“Isak, maybe you should slow down a bit don’t you think? How about you drink some water eh?”

“I’m fine, I didn’t have that much to drink” he slurred, waving off her concerns. “And weren’t you the one to suggest a drink to forget about my worries? Well, this is me listening to your sound advice.”

“I wasn’t suggesting you to drink your problems away… And it doesn’t seem to be working anyway. Come on Isak, why don’t I bring you home okay?”

“Home...” he scoffed “if you can call it that. And I don’t need help, I can perfectly…” he almost tripped over as he tried to stand up, caughting hold of the table not to fall down.

“Okay, that’s enough, I’m calling a cab.” Emma said firmly as she took out her phone and offered Isak her arm to lean on so they could walk out of the bar.

*

Thirty minutes later, they were in front of Isak’s apartment door, Emma struggling to find the right key to open it, while still holding on to Isak who was threatening to tumble down on the floor.

“You’re okay there?”

Emma turned around as much as she could with Isak still leaning on her, finding Even on his doorstep wearing sweatpants, his hair completely dishevelled, “Oh, did we wake you up? I’m so sorry…”

“No not at all, I just heard some noise…” he trailed of before approaching them prudently, “Here let me help you.”

He grabbed Isak’s keys from her hand, selecting the right one and unlocking the door before he reached out to Isak and said “I’ll get him inside, so if you need to go…”

“Oh I don’t want to trouble you I can…” Emma hesitated.

“It's okay, don’t worry”, Even hold Isak a bit tighter, “I got him.”

“Okay then, thank you. Good night.”

“Good night.”

*

Isak let himself be carried across his apartment, partly because he was drunk, but also because he was rendered completely powerless when wrapped up in Even’s arms.

Even took him to the kitchen where he insisted Isak drank a few glasses of water.

“Ugh, you sound like Emma.” Isak grunted.

“Then I think Emma is a very wise woman. Come on, drink up.”

Then Even took him to his bedroom, helping him take his shoes and his pants off before putting him into his bed.

“Where are you going?” Isak asked nervously when Even stood back up and headed toward the door.

“I’ll be back in a minute.”

Isak heard the water running in the bathroom and Even rummage through his medication cabinet. A couple of minutes later, he was back with another large glass of water and and a tablet of paracetamol.

“Here, I’ll leave that for later okay?” Even said as he put everything down on the nightstand.

“Will you stay a moment?” Isak asked with a small, ragged voice.

“Okay, yeah of course I will”

Even sat down on the edge of the bed next to Isak. After a moment, he extended his arms and started slowly running his hand through Isak’s hair. Isak let out a deep sigh, he felt his heart clenching and his eyes fill with tears at the reminder of the last time Even had touched him that way.

“You kissed me.” he simply said, because he couldn’t let the souvenir of this moment locked inside of him anymore. Even’s hand stilled and Isak felt his body tense up slightly next to him.

“You kissed me and now you hate me”

“No, of course not, don’t say that.” Even slid on the bed until he was lying on his side, next to Isak and tilted his head so he could look at him right in the eyes, “I could never hate you Isak.”

“You don’t talk to me anymore”

“I know… I know I’m sorry.”

Even resumed stroking his hair and Isak let himself revel in the tenderness of his touch before he asked again, “Why don’t you talk to me anymore?”

Even sighed before leaning toward Isak until their foreheads were resting against each other.

“Because I’m a fucking idiot.”

After a moment, Even turned around to lie on his back and wrapped Isak in his arms, letting him rest his head on his chest.

“I missed you.” Isak whispered, soothed by the sound of Even’s heart.

“I missed you too… Now go to sleep, I’m right here.”

Isak closed his eyes, the warmth of Even’s body and the slow rhythm of his breath helping him relax and calm the rowdiness in his head and in his heart.

“Even?” Isak added as he felt himself drifting off to sleep.

Even hummed in response

“Nothing happened with this guy you know…”

“Okay.” Even said calmly but Isak could feel his heart beating faster in his chest.

“We didn’t… I mean, I… I couldn't.”

“Why?” Even asked in a small voice, almost as if he was afraid of the answer.

“You know why, Even... You know why.”

*

When Isak woke up the next morning, his head was pounding and he knew he was in for a serious hangover. But strangely, he also felt relaxed and well rested.

The entire evening came back to him in a flash, the night out with Emma, all the alcohol, the maze between the bar and his apartment and then… Even, holding him in his arms as he was falling asleep, and those words whispered in the intimacy of the night.

He slowly opened his eyes, to his bedroom bathed in the morning light.

Beside him, the bed was empty, except for a few remaining proofs of Even’s presence telling Isak it had not been a dream : the dent left by his head on the pillow, his smell lingering on the sheets, a golden strand of hair left behind.

The phantom of another body next to his.

Isak let his hand hover over the mattress, right were Even had been lying, and he could swear he was still feeling the warmth of his body on the bed.

Isak closed his eyes and after taking a long, deep breath, he whispered the words he couldn’t allow himself to say the night before.

“I love you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soo... writing this chapter was quite a ride! I had completely lost my motivation to write because I was very anxious by this all lockdown situation and I was worried for some people close to me, but then I finally found some peace of mind and then I just couldn't stop!
> 
> Thank you so much for reading, I hope you enjoyed this new chapter. Please feel free to tell me what you thought, I really love reading your feedbacks.
> 
> I hope you're all safe and healthy, sending you lots of love wherever you are in the world <3
> 
> L.


	6. Moving out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is, the final chapter !  
> Enjoy <3

Some things truly never changed. 

Isak furrowed his brows and pinched the bridge of his nose to try and keep himself from raising his voice at his friend on the other side of the line.

“Faen Vilde! How do you always end up planning your parties in my apartment? What the fuck happened this time?”

“Oh come on don’t be so dramatic Isak, and it’s not _always_ , I must have asked you that favor once or twice, tops”

“Yeah, right” he scoffed.

“Please, there’s water damage right in the middle of my living room, I’ve asked Eva but you know her family is visiting from Bergen and staying at hers and Jonas’, Chris’ flat is way too small and Noora lives on the other side of town it really wouldn’t be practical whereas at your place...”

“Alright, alright!” Isak cut her off, already tired of her rambling and knowing he wouldn’t have much of a choice anway, “you can host your party here, but I’m not setting anything up like last time…” he continued as he heard Vilde shriek with excitement.

“Thank you Isak, thank you thank you!! You won’t have to lift a finger I promise.”

“Okay Vilde…” Isak sighed, knowing perfectly she wouldn’t keep that promise, as always.

*

That’s how a couple of days later, Isak found his apartment filled with people, most of them he barely knew, Vilde fluttering around from guest to guest, welcoming them as if she owned the place. 

“So, she managed to bully you into having her little party here?” Jonas laughed, as he slumped on the couch next to Isak.

“It was the only way to shut her up” Isak answered with a smirk as they clinked their beer bottles.

They sat there, silently sipping their drinks, before Jonas turned his head and asked softly, leaning toward Isak so he could hear him over the music, “So, how are you doing?”

Jonas didn’t need to say more, Isak knew what he was asking him about, _who_ he was asking him about. Those last few days, Isak battled with so many different emotions. He had been desperate, heartbroken when Even left after kissing him like nobody had ever kissed him before. But then, Even took care of him, stayed with him and held him when Isak confessed his feeling between the lines, and Isak had never felt so content, so serene and loved.

“I… I honestly don’t know” Isak breathed out looking at the bottle he was holding on his lap.

“Isak!” 

They both looked up when they heard Magnus shouting from the entrance of the door, and saw him excitedly gesturing for Isak to come.

“What now?” Isak groaned, getting up from the couch.

Isak elbowed his way through the apartment and froze when he finally got to Magnus.

“Hei, Isak! I found your friend at the door, so I invited him in. It’s Eivind, right?”

“Um… Even.”

“Right!” Magnus shook his head, “So nice to meet you Even, I’m Magnus, I’m one of Isak’s best friends, even if he would never admit it himself… Why didn’t you invite Even man? He lives literally right next door… Anyway, follow me I’ll get you a drink.”

Isak stood there helpless and watched Magnus lead Even to the kitchen before he could even put a word in. Even turned his head back to look at him, giving him an apologetic look then disappeared behind a corner.

A few minutes later, and after he was able to come back to his senses, Isak found Even coming out of the kitchen. He gave Isak a small relieved smile when he saw him, showing him he was searching for him too.

“Hei.”

“Halla!”

They said at the same time. Even chuckled and Isak lowered his head to hide the blush that was spreading across his cheeks at the mere sound of it.

“Sorry about Magnus, he can be a bit… much” Isak said, taking a deep breath as he looked back up at Even.

“Oh no don’t worry, he seems really fun” Even smiled, “and I’m the one who should apologize, I feel like I’m crashing your party here…”

“No, you don’t!” Isak blurted, “besides, it’s not even my party, my friend Vilde is throwing it so…”

“Oh, okay. Well I just… I wanted to talk to you about something but… “ Even looked around them, “this is probably not a good time.

“Isak, come here, there’s someone I want you to meet!” Vilde called him from the other side of the room.

“Um, maybe I should go.” Even said, taking a step towards the door.

“No, please stay.” Isak felt bold enough to raise his hand and grab Even by the arm to hold him back “I mean, you can stay for a bit, if you want to. Maybe we can talk later?”

“Okay” Even smiled softly, then lowered his gaze to the part of his body that Isak was still holding.

Isak pulled his hand back and felt goosebumps spreading on Even’s forearm when he brushed it with his fingertips.

*

Of course they didn’t have time to talk, or only a few words here and there. Besides, Even was right when he’d said it wasn’t really a good time for that. But Isak didn’t mind, he just felt happy knowing he was there.

He watched him mingle with every single one of his friends, talking and laughing with them as if they all were the best of pals.

He watched him have some lively discussion with Jonas, both of them making big gestures and nodding vigorously as Eva rolled her eyes looking a bit annoyed but mostly amused, and Isak figured his best friend had probably finally found someone he could rant about politics with.

He heard him laugh uncontrollably with Magnus and Madhi and mentally apologized to Magnus for all the time he rolled his eyes as his stupid jokes, because tonight they allowed him to revel in the most beautiful sound.

He saw the way Eskild approached Even, looking a little bit wary at first, bombarding him with questions like he was the Spanish Inquisition. Isak smiled at the thought of his guru, always there to protect him against anybody - or, well boy - who could hurt him in any way. But of course it didn’t take long before Even’s charm had his effect on Eskild and soon, he and Noora were looking at Even with big sparkly eyes and beaming smiles.

And to his surprise, Isak observed Even and Linn having a long conversation. Linn who was always on her guards even gave him that little smile she reserved for the people she felt most comfortable with.

Isak spent the night watching Even blending perfectly into his group of friends, like it was the most natural thing in the world and it made his heart swell with happiness.

*

At some point in the night, Even approached Isak and leaned towards him so he could hear him over the music, “I think I’m gonna go.”

“Oh. Okay um… let me walk you out”. 

Even smiled and nodded before letting Isak lead him across the apartment. They both got out and Isak closed the front door behind him, isolating them from the noise and the people filling his apartment.

“So um… thank you for having me, I had a really good time tonight.”

They looked at each other, just smiling for a moment before Even continued, “Your friends are really nice.”

“Yeah, they’re great” Isak chuckled, “and they all seemed to like you.”

Even smiled, giving a little nod as a slight blush appeared on his cheeks.

“So, talk to you later then?” Isak asked tentatively.

“Yes, later.” Even answered in a whisper.

Then, he took a step towards Isak and took him in his arms. Isak froze, feeling his breath hitch for a second that seemed suspended. But he quickly let go and relaxed in Even’s embrace, wrapping his arms around him. Even hold Isak a little tighter and buried his face in the crook of his neck, releasing a deep shaky breath that made Isak’s entire body shiver.

They parted and Even left, without adding another word, as if with that hold, he had let his body convey everything he had wanted to tell Isak that night.

*

After sleeping all morning and cleaning the mess that Vilde had promised she would take care of, Isak went out to meet Jonas for coffee. When he locked his door, he heard the echo of Even and Sonja’s voices coming from their apartment and he felt his heart sunk in his chest. 

Isak had poured his heart out to Even and he had let himself hope. When Even took care of him, and when he came to him just the night before. But Sonja was here, they were still there together, and Isak was still alone on the other side of the wall.

He took a deep breath and stepped in the elevator, trying to calm his shaking hands so he could text Jonas that he was on his way.

The met at their usual coffee shop and sat near a window, enjoying the afternoon sunlight as they drank their coffee while talking about Vilde’s party.

“So…” Jonas put his cup down on the table and looked at Isak with a smirk, “Even was there for a while… what’s going on with you two?”

“I don’t know” shrugged, shaking his head.

“I think, I mean I know he likes me… obviously” he chuckled but it was a bit of a bitter laugh, “but I don’t think he want to be with me like that.”

“What do you mean?” Jonas frowned, “Isak I saw him yesterday, the way he looks at you... _faen_ of course he likes you, like, a lot. What wouldn't he want you?” 

“Well, there’s Sonja…”

“He’ll have to break up with his girlfriend then.” Jonas cut him off shrugging.

“It’s so that easy…” Isak let out a deep, tired breath, “they have so much history.”

Isak hesitated for a moment, fearing that if he voiced what he had been thinking about, it would somehow make it true.

“Yesterday, he came to talk to me and… now I fear I’m the one he wanted to end things with.”

“Isak…” Jonas sighed “that guy spent hours yesterday getting to know every single one of your friends, people he had never met before. But mostly, he spent the evening listening to all of us talk about you… He listened to a million of our stories, and asked even more questions, like he wanted to know everything about you.”

“He did ?” Isak asked softly, knowing his voice was on the verge of breaking.

“Yes, he did. Do you really think he would have done all that if he wanted to tell you that whatever you two have is over?”

“I, I don’t…” Isak stuttered feeling his heart in his throat.

“Isak.” Jonas put his hand on Isak’s and looked right into his eyes, “talk to him, okay?”

Isak nodded and felt his body relax a little bit when his friend squeezed his hand gently, “Yeah, I will.”

*

Isak walked home feeling a mix of emotions battling in his brain.

His conversation with Jonas gave him back hope, hope that maybe Even’s feelings for him were just as strong as his own and that he could be willing to sacrifice what he had with Sonja to be with him. But he couldn’t shake the doubt and the fear that threatened to paralyze him when he thought about their relationship, and the fact that they already went through so many crises and break-ups, but always managed to overcome them and get back together in the end.

Now it was up to Even. Isak was completely at the mercy of his decision, waiting for him to finally say what he had to say and maybe break his heart in the process.

Isak was stopped in his train of thoughts when he arrived near his apartment building. He saw a van parked in front of it, filled with cardboard boxes, and recognized the same one that Even had used a few months ago when he moved in the apartment across Isak’s.

Isak felt his heartbeat quickened and prayed to whatever deity that might be listening that this didn’t mean what he thought it did. But not a minute later, the entrance door of the building opened and Isak saw Even and Sonja step out, arms full of bags, plants and boxes. They put them in the van and closed the trunk, then Sonja took the passenger seat as Even sat behind the wheel, and before Isak had time to catch his breath, they drove away.

So, his fears had been proven right. Even had made his choice, and he chose her. 

Isak didn’t doubt that Even had felt something for him but it was not enough. _He_ was not enough. Merely a little bump in the road of Even and Sonja’s turbulent journey.

This was probably what Even had meant to tell him. And that embrace, when he left Isak the previous night, that was his way of saying goodbye.

Isak turned around and walked away. He couldn’t bare to go back to his apartment, knowing that Even’s would be empty, all trace of his gone, only silence.

*

Isak didn’t know where he was going, he just walked aimlessly through the streets of Oslo trying to ease the turmoil in his head. The cold wind was biting his skin and burning his tear-filled eyes. He walked with his hands shoved in his pockets, because as always, he had forgotten to grab his gloves before heading out.

 _“You clearly don’t dress properly for the cold”_ Even had told him when he insisted Isak kept his scarf and took it with him to Tromsø.

It was still hanging on the coat rack in Isak’s apartment. How was he going to get it back to him ? Isak shook his head, Even probably didn’t care, and most certainly wouldn’t want Isak to try and contact him give it back.

_“... that way you’ll also have something to remember me by...”_

So, this is what Isak would have left of him. A piece of garment left behind, the notes and drawings scribbled on ripped pieces of paper that Isak stacked in his desk drawer, and... the painting. A reminder of the moment Isak opened up his heart to Even for the first time, and of the words he said to him as he was standing under the aurora-filled sky, _I miss you_.

What did Even take with him when he left? Isak had given him nothing to keep, only a piece of his broken heart. He would only have memories of them, memories that would soon fade away like the perfume on his scarf thet Isak couldn’t help but breathe in everyday.

Isak didn’t know how long he walked around for, it was now completely dark and he was shivering with cold. Taking in his surroundings, Isak realized his tired legs had somehow brought his back home, his body telling him he couldn't avoid it forever.

Looking up at his apartment floor, Isak suddenly felt as if everything around him fell silent, all he could hear was the racket of his heart threatening to explode.

A dim light was shining through the window of Even’s apartment.

Isak felt whatever strength he had left suddenly intensify and before he could even realize it, he was rushing inside his apartment building. The elevator rise seemed to take forever but it was barely long enough for him to catch his breath.

When he arrived in front of Even’s door, he froze for a moment, thoughts rushing through his brain.

_What if it was not him? What is the flat was by rented by someone else already? What if Sonja was still there? What if..?_

Isak took a deep breath and slowly raised a shaking hand to knock on the door. It was so faint, so hesitant that Isak was sure whoever was in the apartment couldn't have heard it. But only a few seconds later, the door swung open as if that someone had been waiting on the on other side of the door, expecting him to come knocking.

“You’re here…” Isak all but whispered, “you stayed.”

Even nodded, a small almost timid smile on his lips, “I stayed.”

Even’s eyes suddenly left Isak’s and he frowned as his gaze ran up and down Isak’s body.

“You’re trembling.” he said softly and took Isak’s hand in his own, the warmth of his palm radiating through Isak’s entire body, “you’re freezing, come inside.”

Isak let Even pull him inside his apartment and close the door behind them. He looked around the place and was taken back months ago, when Even had just moved in. All the decoration was gone, the plants, lots of the pieces furniture… All traces of her, gone.

When he turned back towards Even, he was looking down at their joined hands, as if he was not daring to look Isak in the eyes. Isak watched Even open and close his mouth a few times before he finally spoke.

“The other night I wanted to tell you that I um…” he took a deep breath, “I told Sonja about you and we decided to break up.”

Even looked up and Isak recognized in his eyes the same fear and doubt that had been overwhelming him. There was a vulnerability Isak had never seen in him.

“What, do you think about that?” Even asked.

“I… I hope this is not my fault, I mean I… I don’t want you to be sad because of me…” Isak stuttered but as the words were leaving his mouth, he could see Even’s eyes light back up with their usual spark.

“I’m not sad!” he said with a tender and almost amused smile.

“No?”

“Of course not.”

Without letting go of his hand, Even took a step closer and pressed his lips against Isak’s. It was a quick, tender kiss. Just a way for Even to tell him, _Don’t worry, I want you. I want you._

Isak let out a shaky breath as Even rested their forehead against one another’s. They stayed like that for a moment, holding hands, reveling in the presence of the other, getting familiar with this new intimacy they were creating. 

Then, Even leaned back and pulled Isak by the hand to the living room. They sat down on the couch and Isak saw Even hesitate, a hint of worry clouding his eyes again.

“I need to talk to you before we… There are things you need to know, about me.”

Isak came a little closer and interlaced their fingers together.

_There is nothing you could say that would make me not want you anymore._

“I um… I’m bipolar.”

Isak felt his heart skip a beat, maybe more at the sight of Even’s fear than at the words he just heard. He gave Even a little nod and squeezed his hand a little tighter. _Okay, I understand. I’m listening._

“I was diagnosed when I was seventeen, after I had my first big episode. That’s the time Sonja and I had broken up for the first time, I had fucked up real bad, tried to kiss one of my best friends… Anyway, she came back and took care of me through my depressive episode… she was so strong, already when she was seventeen and I don’t know how I would have made it without her.”

Isak couldn’t help his heart clench when he heard Even talk about her with so much fondness, he still couldn’t shake his insecurities off, but mostly, he still felt guilty when he thought she was probably hurting and that he was the reason for it.

“She seems really great… Sonja.” Isak all but whispered.

“She is.” Even raised his hand and caressed Isak’s cheeks softly with his knuckles.

_But I am here, with you._

“After that, as you know, we’ve been on and off for a long time.” Even continued, “I think we quickly began to grow apart, we still loved each other very much, but we somehow just kept hurting each other. I felt like she was controlling me, always monitoring me, and she reproached me for not trying enough to make us work. I pushed her away so many times because I felt like she was wasting the best years of her life with me… but somehow, we always ended coming back to each other.”

“And this” Even gestured at the apartment before he continued, “was our last attempt at doing it right. But things didn’t go exactly as planned…” he chuckled.

They looked at each other and just smiled for a moment, before Isak was taken by a wave of worry.

“After we kissed and you… disappeared, I ran into Sonja and she told me you were not feeling well, that you needed time. Were you… depressed?” he asked cautiously.

_Was it because of me?_

“No! No, I wasn’t.” he shook his head and tilted Isak’s head up so that he could look right into his eyes “and that kiss was not driven by some manic impulse, okay? It was very real.”

Isak felt his heart pounding and he knew his cheeks were reddening with a blush. He bit his lower lips but couldn’t help a crooked smile spread across his face. He saw Even’s gaze lower to his lips but they refrained the urge to kiss each other again before Even had finished telling Isak all he needed to say to him.

“I mean, yes I was sad because I knew that I had hurt you, I felt guilty both towards Sonja for doing that to her and towards you for putting you in that position… And I was hurting because I wanted nothing more than to be with you and I believed you did too but then, I thought you’d eventually moved on with… you know.”

Isak winced at the memory of Even seeing Nils leaving his apartment early in the morning and Even grinned teasingly before he continued.

“But Sonja... yeah I could see she was also thinking that I was going through some kind of depressive episode and I said nothing to ease her fear. How could I tell her that I was not depressed but just heartbroken because I had fallen for somebody else? And that made me feel even more fucking guilty… But after I spent that night with you, I… I finally told her everything.”

“How… how did that go?” Isak frowned, remembering how hard it had been to see Sonja looking so sad that day he had ran into her.

“She… she wasn’t that surprised really…” Even huffed a laugh as if he still couldn’t quite comprehend it “I think deep down she kind of knew that something was going on… Not with _you_ I mean, but I guess I had been kind of distant with her, and she suspected something. So yeah… there were a lot of tears from both of us, because whatever happens, I think we’ll always care a lot about each other. She’s still one of the most important persons in my life… and then she just said she would move out and go to a friend’s as soon as she could.”

“But…” Isak couldn’t help the crippling doubt poisoning his mind, telling him that Even wasn’t his to have “How do you know you won’t get back together again? You always do eventually, you said it yourself…”

“Because, it’s different this time.”

“How? How is it different ?” Isak whispered.

Even frowned and huffed out a small laugh somewhere between fondness and reassurance.

“Because I’m in love with you, silly.”

“You… you are ?”

“Yes Isak, I am completely, utterly, madly, head over heels in love with you.”

Even took Isak’s hand, still intertwined with his own and placed it on his chest where Isak could feel his heart beating like a drum.

“I have never felt like this before, about anybody.” Even whispered.

“Me neither”

Even smiled and raised his other hand to caress Isak’s cheek tenderly, before he let it slide behind his neck and pulled him in a kiss. A deep, loving; hungry kiss to wash all his fears and doubts away.

“Even?” he said, already breathless.

“Mmh?”

“I love you too.”

* * *

**6 months later**

Isak stepped into the apartment holding a couple of boxes he put on top of those already lying in the middle of the living room.

“Okay, that was the last of it!” he put his hand on his hip and took in a deep breath.

Even was looking out of the window. He turned around and smiled at Isak, his face illuminated by the late morning sunlight, his eyes sparkling with joy and Isak felt his knees suddenly get week. Just as he had sensed it, Even moved towards Isak and wrapped his arms around him. He slowly lowered his head, his gaze fixed on Isak’s lips. Isak parted them and slowly licked his cupid’s bow, his heart throbbing in anticipation.

But as their lips were finally brushing against each others and Isak could feel his lover's’ breath on his skin, Even suddenly leaned back, eyes wide and a beaming smile on his lips.

“We forgot something!” he said teasingly as Isak frowned, frustrated to have been refused the kiss he so desperately craved.

“What?” Isak watched Even walk through the room and get back out of the apartment, waiting for Isak on the doorstep.

“Come here!”

Isak slowly joined him, circumspect and let out a small surprised cry when Even suddenly pick him up and lifted him in his arms.

“Even! What the fuck are you doing?” he giggled, wrapping his arms around Even’s neck.

“Carrying you over the threshold!” Even laughed “Isn’t that what we’re supposed to do when we move in together in a new apartment?”

“Put me down you dork! And no, that’s a wedding tradition, you do that when you’ve just gotten married.”

Even smirked.

“What?”

“Nothing, I guess it’ll give me some practice for later then.”

“Wh… what?” Isak stuttered.

“Mmh?” Even hummed teasingly

“What did you say?”

“Me? Nothing.”

“Even!”

Even pressed their smiling lips together, still carrying Isak in his arms.

Then he stepped into their new home, and into the first day of the rest of their life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end.
> 
> I loved writing this story so much and your response to it has been amazing, I really can’t thank you enough. Writing this fic has brought me a lot of comfort in these stressful times and I hope reading it may have make you feel just a little bit better too.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading, I hope you liked the conclusion of this story <3
> 
> You can come say hello on [twitter](https://twitter.com/lokkanel) or [tumblr](https://lokkanel.tumblr.com/)  
> Much Love  
> L.


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